By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Don't release him from his facility. My Dad started drinking immediately upon being released from his rehab facility.
Cut back the visits to holidays instead. All you can do is protect yourself at this point.
You didn't cause this, can't fix it....and your moral obligation is to keep him safe. I'm sorry you are in this situation.
Please see a certified elder care attorney. Make sure you are handling things in a way that will protect your future if you have not done so. This is not a temporary situation.
Not only will your Dh want to drink but being around familiar people, places and things will be difficult for him and will tempt him over and over. He will not be in a safe environment. There is no safe environment. That adds an extra layer of stress for the both of you. His dementia will increase in time and perhaps his desire to go home will lessen.
Your own anxiety needs attention. The meetings Alva suggested can offer you insight. You can attend a meeting before going to see DH and see if that helps you be at peace with the decision you have had to make.
Welcome to the forum.
Someone with full cognition in recovery may have made a different choice if they were utilizing the skills they learned in rehab. But he likely forgot those due to the memory impairment. Of course he is desparate to return home where he will likely resume drinking and his dementia will progress. Even in dementia, alcoholics will still revert to ingrained manipulative behaviors to obtain their alcohol. He was accepted into memory care for a reason and he is best left there. If he is 80, how old are you? At this point in life if you have been married to an alcoholic for awhile you deserve some peace and freedom from his addiction to alcohol. You've got the opportunity for that now. No matter how much he begs and pleads and tries to convince you that he has been misplaced there, stand strong and let yourself have a life.
And I will say this to you. The alcoholic will do ANYTHING to get the alcohol; my brother's partner left his ALF over and over to do so. He was finally wearing the police supplied bracelet to keep him on premises and there was gathering mouthwash from everywhere to drink it. It is an easy drunk, and a cheap drunk, and very tough on the brain, so every substitute he found for alcholol (Kitty Dukakis admitted to using hair spray) was dangerous and took him father down.
It was pretty awful.
For yourself, and you are the only one over which you have control I strongly suggest Al Anon. I would imagine in all this long time you have already tried it. If not, that's a shame. If so, go back and never stop going again.
You cannot do anything about any of this.
But you CAN make a decent life for yourself.
I am so sorry.
I feel that the trauma of attempting to care for his partner through this period of time took my brother down and out with more certainty. I recognize it was his choice. I hope you don't make that choice for your own life.
I fear it is too late for hubby. But not for you.
He was diagnosed with stage three lung cancer. Stopping the drinking will not get rid of the dementia that probably caused it in the first place. Wernicke Korsakoff is alcoholic induced dementia.