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He calls you cold-hearted and he is the one running from the situation he created? Yikes! Get yourself a a good divorce attorney or you may be paying him spousal support.
They both need to go.
You're 100% in the right. Call a divorce attorney TODAY.
For your sleep, are you doing things like a white noise machine, ear plugs, eye mask, etc etc.? Is she on meds? Doesn't sound like it or they need some tweaking.
What a mess. Sorry.
Get rid of both of them. This is not fair to you.
Best of luck, keep us posted
You DO NOT have to financially support his a$$ because he quit working and wants to stay home with "mommy" like a little kid. Then on top of that still expects you to maintain the home? I don't think so.
Sister, please. Have some respect for yourself because you deserve better than this. Every woman does. Visit a divorce lawyer. First consultations are usually free so it won't cost you anything. If the house was yours before the two of you married it is not joint or communal property. If his name was never put on the deed, it is not a marital asset. A divorce lawyer will explain all of this to you. Please see one.
In the meantime, you do absolutely NOTHING for your husband or his mother. You DO NOT cook for them, grocery shop for them, run errands, wash clothes, no rides, nothing. Take your meals elsewhere too. Don't even eat with them.
If your MIL refuses to turn the bathroom light off, take the bulbs out. If she refuses to turn off the tv and radio in her room, take the tv and radio away. If neither your man or his mother are contributing financially to the household, they don't get a say. If you're the one paying for everything and everyone and it sure sounds like you are, YOU ARE the king in your castle and it was your castle to begin with. Start acting like one.
Visit that divorce lawyer and your life back. It's hard when a marriage ends. I am twice divorced myself. It's not easy, but you'll be all right. Let your husband and his mommy walk off into the sunset together and good luck to them. Take your life back.
God luck to you and please keep us updated. I'm interested in your story.
Consider yourself lucky that you owned the house before you got married.
Get yourself to a good divorce lawyer.
I do hope the two of them are happy living together....someplace else.
If he leaves without Mom, you call Adult Protection Services. Tell them you will not care for her. See that lawyer ASAP. If you have kept your finances separate, that is good. If you have not been married long, thats good.
If you supported yourself before, and now supporting 3 people, you can support yourself again. Talk to a lawyer about divorcing this man and his Mom. Mom is his responsibility not yours.
Your MIL has upended your life, and your husband doesn't care. Even worse, he threatens you with divorce.
I'd see a divorce lawyer right away. Find out your rights. I hope your husband isn't part owner of the house now, did you put his name on the deed? Take all important papers to the lawyer appointment.
If you want a divorce, you can do it, and moreover, you could have the papers served to husband while you're gone on a vacation. Surprise, surprise, HE threatened divorce, but you got to it first! That will send him into a tizzy for sure! This could be accompanied by a notice that he is to move both himself and his mother out by such-and-such a date.
Then you're rid of him, you're rid of her, and you get your life back. Whatever your single life turns out to be, you'll be better off than you are now. I see NO advantage to continuing on this miserable course, which will only get worse.
Your house. Your rules.
I vote for that
1) He’s in your house
2) He doesn’t work or do any housework
3) He has you taking care of HIS Mom .
4) He wants to leave , get his freedom and leave his Mom with you .
Your husband is a lazy parasite. like a tick . He fed off you and now is looking to leave for greener pastures AND leaving his unfinished business behind .
Go to a divorce lawyer , get him and Mom out .
The end. Thank God.
Dh must've inherited some of mother's mental illness traits if he thinks for ONE SECOND you'd be willing to keep her once he divorces you! 🤣😂😃😆. Really, that's rich. Best I've heard in awhile.
Of course you're not wrong. You're well rid of both of them. Now go spend some of your $$$$ on YOURSELF!
Did you just say that your H (I'm not even giving him the D) moved his paranoid schizophrenic mother into your home, he quit his job to take care of her, expected you to work full time and take care of the entire home alone, now he has decided that HIS mother had caused too many problems in your marriage and he wants a divorce.
But he wants YOU to keep HIS mother???
Your reward for all of this time of hell, the dissolution of your marriage and family at the hands of your H, and the impacts to YOUR mental health and he has the absolute audacity to think he is going to leave her with you?
I want to believe this is some kind of bait joke post but there are really people out there like this.
I don't usually jump to this but what the heck - find yourself the best divorce lawyer in town, lock them down, and get them BOTH out of your house. He didn't leave and cleave and now he just wants to leave and make you cleave to his family.
If he leaves, you call the Police or APS and tell them that he abandoned his mother. That you cannot care for her and that you did not agree to do so. That he walked away knowing this. And that you need them to ensure that he picks his mother up from YOUR home, or you will take her to the nearest hospital and check her in and leave his name as the NOK.
Not your your monkeys, not your circus. Not your problem.
I have a loved one who I worry about each and every day. She is bipolar with schizophrenic effective disorder or whatever the DSM label is right now. I will not allow her to even know where I live.
I would sell my home before I would stay in this situation.
Please don’t continue this. Get help today. Nothing good will come of it for any of you.
If the MIL is over 65 then APS can help place her. Although she probably won’t stay.
You deserve someone who treats you well and appreciates you - he's not the one. It will feel liberating without either one of them! You asked "if you are in the wrong" - you will be "in the wrong" if you keep either of them in the picture - focus on taking care of yourself with a better life!
In my experience I can see how someone needing daily help in the 'executive functioning' area of life needs a 'parent' type person. A 'Caretaker' person to help them.
A close relative often becomes this person. I've seen this a few times now with a sibling. Like they are living the same life. Alternatively, can be the opposite & siblings become estranged.
I guess there is only so much one can do if the close relative with Sz is so heavily leaning on you all the time - dependant on you for everything!
So here.. the husband could be taking on that is Caretaker role for his Mother. It ate up his life. Then in turn, he wants a Caretaker to provide for them both! Like a never ending snowball UNLESS spmeone has STRONG boundaries.
Which Anglie will.
The obvious answer would be to place the mother , if that’s possible , which sounds like it’s not finacially , idk.
If she was never touched you guys have nothing to worry about, tell the cops what the heck is and has been going on with her.
Ps, this doesn't change the truth of where he was at before; Threatening you and running away. Personally, I would never trust him again. Like I say, he has shown you who he is, believe him.
That is NOT your responsibility.
I wish you luck that the light that went on for your DH stays on.
I wish you strength to keep to your boundaries.
You can work with your DH & Social Worker to find alternative living for MIL - if you CHOOSE to.
Alternatively, be a broken record of "MIL cannot return to our home" without any further input.
The police will run a check on her and see her long lovely documented law enforcement history.
Remember she will be discharged and job one is --- DO NOT TAKE HER BACK.
Go in her room and put all her belongings in a bag -NOW. Put them outside the front door or in the garage.
He needs to understand this and tell them at the hospital - he cant take her and bring her back to "find a solution". Let the hospital do it.
Thanks for your update that hubby's mom is now taken to ER where she is claiming hubby hit her. You sound very frightened and want to know what you can do.
Do first of all know when an elder or ANYONE else in ER makes an accusation, no matter how outlandish or confuse it may "seem", those in ER are "mandated reporters" who HAVE to report to APS, to the authorities for investigation.
Be cooperative and open your house willingly, and ALSO--here's a REALLY GOOD IDEA--show them your posts here on AC. Let them know that things at home have not been good and no one knows any more how to care for "mom". Tell them you do not want her back in your home with these accusations. And insist she have placement in care. This not only insures her own safety, but it insures you against further accusations. I agree with CourageousKid. This is your opportunity to get mom placement.
You have a few ways to look at this, and for me, I would WELCOME the authorities and tell them "Thank god she made these false accusations, because she has finally let her son know we absolutely cannot go on attempting to care for her for our own safety and well being."
This could be a gift.
Ps. Never feel bad for protecting yourself...never.
She can go to a shelter if she has no place else to go. Or better yet, a group home for the mentally ill.
I will guarantee you that you will end up in serious trouble if you don't handle this to a DONE now. She will move back in, because your spouse has no backbone to let her suffer the consequences of her actions, she will make more accusations to cause you guys untold misery or she will injure herself and cry abuse.
I, strongly, encourage you and your husband to let the authorities get her placed, whatever that looks like but, DON'T do this to anyone else.
After when you are in a better head space, figure out the path you want to take on your marriage.
Best of luck to you!!