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If the adult children don't want to do it or don't want to invite you to their outings, so be it.
Rest and take care of yourself and your husband.
Have you ever tried to assign dishes for them to bring, so you aren’t doing the cooking ?
You could also say you are too tired to cook a large meal and just have them come for (store bought ) dessert . This is what I resorted to the last few Christmas’s my parents were alive. I cooked for just for my husband, my kids and my parents. Some others came later just for dessert .
Tell him that.
I know people who purposely go on vacation away from their families during the holidays so they don't have to sit at home and stew on it. Maybe planning something like going on a cruise over the holidays would be sort of a refreshing change. Celebrating with strangers might be more enjoyable than with indifferent steppies.Doing your own thing on your own terms may surprise his kids into appreciating and respecting you both more. Even if it doesn't, a vacation would be kinda nice.
The only thing you need to clean up are the dirty crocks.
I think I did one holiday dinner once and never again. I am 74.
https://www.honeybaked.com/stores/1302
Honey Baked Ham Store in Edwardsville. They have delicious spiral cut hams and turkeys, wonderful side dishes, rolls, etc. Their ham bones and pea soup mix is great to bring home too.
Go pick up dinner and that's that. I quit cooking a few years ago, and before that, went the Honey Ham route or brought home a Qdoba Taco bar which everyone loved.
Make restaurant reservations, have food catered or cook only for your immediate family.
Let me also say that I love to cook!
Even so, it gets tiresome when we cook year after year for large crowds of family and friends.