By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
If you haven't already, talk about this with his doctors. There may be medications that can slow him down, maybe make him nap a little more. There's really little that can be done. It won't go away. :( The saving grace with my FIL is if I'm out of sight, I'm out of his mind. Avoiding him works. If you can identify your husband's triggers... does seeing you trigger this behavior, for example, or maybe it's if he's not engaged with something else, like reading or working on a "project"... you might be able to get a little respite by working around those triggers. For your own sanity, you may eventually need to place him in a facility where other people can provide most of his care.
Find someone close you can share your troubles with. You're going to need to vent on occasion. Venting at your husband won't do anything to help matters. Just know it's all right to get angry or hurt or just break out in tears. Be kind to yourself.
After he passed she lived alone, though I subsequently discovered she'd had dementia for years ... looking back I feel she was mentally ill life long. During that time she tried to latch onto a man she met walking in the park who lived here in the summer and had a trailer down south in the winter. He rejected her, saying he wouldn't take her small dog, but I know it was an excuse as he saw her as believing herself to be some sort of princess to be waited on. She didn't want sex (ewwww), just a man to jump through hoops to give her whatever she wanted. My parents had a trailer at one time and went south but my mother hated it "because I have to cook and I want to go to a nice hotel and be waited on". Ugh!
She spent the last 3 years of her life in a lovely nursing home. She hated the lady residents and spent most of her time in her room plotting how she could get some man to care for her and screaming down the phone at me because she was in prison - parkinsons, dementia, strokes, couldn't walk, incontinent.
Once in a while she'd try to chat up the gentlemen residents, offering them candies, but they ignored her which freaked her out as her whole life had been about her hair, nails, slim, pretty and so on.
She refused to allow the male hairdresser to do her hair as she didn't like the way he did it. Somehow she thought she was punishing him by withholding a measly $15. In the meantime he didn't know or care ... he was the mayor of a small town and did hair as more of a contribution to society if anything. While all the ladies had their nicely done, by the time she passed my mother looked like a hag ... never mind, she was punishing him.
So far as the sex thing is concerned it's been my experience that it's in their minds, not where it's supposed to be. Many men over 50 can't get an erection and perhaps something like Viagara would help but for those older perhaps there is some medication to take away the supposed sex drive?
I sympathize with you. My parents have many personality changes due to
dementia and they are both getting worse.
Those who are not challenged by dementia are able to keep their urges within socially acceptable boundaries. This does not include those who leave their long time spouses and find a younger model.
As dementia advances social filters slip away and what is in the mind comes out unfiltered to the dismay of their caregivers. Not too much you can do about that except don't tie yourself in knots over it.
The woman throughout history has been the submissive one while the man has had the responsibility of feeding and protecting his family. Fathering a large number of children protected the man's future and his constant thoughts of sex do not diminish with age.
If you are with a husband affected with dementia it is a kindness to do what you can to satisfy his needs. I realize it is abhorrent with man who no longer maintains a high standard of hygiene. You are also exhausted and fearful of the future when your man passes. If you can't fulfill his needs, and there is no shame or guilt with that. You have feelings and you can't change that, you can help him out by requesting the many sexual aids that are on the market. If you can't bear to hand masturbate him there is actually a machine that will do it for you. You still may have to help him but it may be a small price to pay for a more content loved one. I see no wrong in providing sexually explicit videos if that is what it takes to make him fall asleep.
We all want the very thing that we can't have, that is just human nature.
Some people may be shocked or disgusted by this post and for that I am sorry. But I feel that this is a subject that should not be swept under the carpet
No one should put themselves in danger from a man loved or not who threatens or behaves aggressively. That is another subject and should be dealt with separately
Best reply:
Just handle your situation anyway you want because you are the only one who knows your husband.
Love to fish. Posting forums with bait and watching the fish swarm can be interesting.
As a man {big A grin} you should give more ROFL.
Every woman should have a bottle of Viagra on hand in case he's unable to ejaculate
This post has it right : You just have to join their journey and fly by the seat of your pants. There is no right or wrong but telling them it's not going to happen or going ahead and having sex is not the answer. It's like arguing with a 2 year old.
having sex is not the answer but what if he's clean and nice maybe......