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I myself have stage 4 cancer at 66 and cannot undergo anymore treatment due to a serious toxic reaction to the first two. I'm in remission now, but if and when it comes back, I'll call in hospice because I cannot put myself thru more anguish again anyway. Life is but a finite period of time on earth anyway, so maximize each day. That's my motto.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
I am 81, facing down my second cancer of the breast. First was age 47. Fought it with everything I could throw at it and got 35 great years. Have second tumor now, and just had it removed. Refused to allow nodes taken as my best chance at another year or so of gardening fun is no lymphedema. And because I don't care what they show. Any spread will not be treated. Tumors lopped off is great. No chemo. No radiation. I am ready to go when it's time and have honestly no guts, as a retired RN, to face down old age. I have had a good life. I don't fear death. I do fear torture.
Let your Dad make the best decision for himself. If he is ready to go then get the best of palliative and hospice care and support his decision for his own good. If he wants to fight then support that so long as he wishes to do it. This is his decision for what is surely for him and for me, inevitably closing in on the ends of our own lives. Like your dad I have a DD who knows and understands my wishes, and a partner who feels the same. My medical team is aware and has scanned my wishes/plans into my chart. I am ready for Palliative, Hospice, MAiD in that order, and am very thankful for the wonderful life I have had. I have been very lucky. I've nothing to kick about.
That's me. Let your Dad make his careful decisions for himself. My heart goes out to him and to you as well.
And 2 because the family has pushed them into it, not because they want it.
If dad wants to do treatment then it's choice since he is of sound mind. Either the chemo will kill him or the cancer will if untreated.
But the oncologist needs to give him life expectancy with and without treatment. Yes the chemo may make his life more miserable for whatever added life span it gives him which is why the one doctor advised against the chemo. But ultimately dad has the final say unless he is too incapacitated to voice his preference.
Ultimately dad may start treatment and then stop and accept palliative care or hospice if the chemo is too much for him to handle. Or the oncologist may stop it.
I am sorry your dad and you and your family are going through this.
I can’t imagine a man who is in his 80’s going through another round of chemotherapy, especially since his cancer is aggressive.
I know that this is a difficult time for you and your dad and I am terribly sorry that you are going through this.
I wouldn’t recommend that your dad continues to treat his cancer.
Start researching hospice providers. If you can find one that offers a hospice care home, please take advantage of this. My mother received excellent care in her hospice care home.
Hospice will provide a social worker for each of you to speak with. Counseling will continue for the family after your father dies if you desire it.
Hospice also has clergy on staff if you are interested.
Wishing you and your family peace.
In addition, in my opinion, the money that these extreme measures bring in may play no small part.
At 87 he will die soon regardless of what is done or not done.
Me personally, I would pass and enjoy what time I have left, Chemo is torture.
The final decision is his, I wish you and yours the very best during this difficult time.
If your dad does not want to continue with chemo that is his decision and you should respect that.
yes it is difficult.
yes he will die.
but he would die with or without chemo.
I suggest that you and your dad interview a few Hospice in your area and get dad on Hospice.
Hospice will do all that they can to make sure that your dad does not "suffer".
You will get help from the Hospice staff, you will get all the supplies and equipment that you need.
Yes the oncologists want him to start chemo again. I hate to say it but it is profitable for them.
Every visit to the hospital is profit for the doctors and hospital.
Tell your dad you love him and you will support any decision he makes.
Hold his hand, tell him you love him.
Tell him he did an awesome job raising a strong, person and you will be ok.