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Special days can bring up old memories, including old hurts. But you have made your own T-giving tradition now & I wish you a lovely time.
I know you have other boundaries too - like the big one: No-to-being-the-livein-caregiver.
It's hard to picture being in other people's shoes.. Too easy to say hey do this do that. But.. I'm wondering.. when our boundaries are firm enough, in the right place, then we should feel pretty comfortable.
If our boundaries are not firmed up or in the right spot, maybe we still feel pressure or resentment?
When I started steping back, I had to learn how to place my boundaries. Some were flimsy, some had holes, some were not quite in the right place. I needed all my mental strength to hold them up.
Now that my boundaries are more stable - fixed in my mind (with allowance for some flexibility). I trust they won't fail so I can relax & use my energies for other things.
So enjoy your Thanksgiving your way. Take your Mom a meal if you choose to. Then reflect: What went well? What didn't? What will you change for the next special day/holiday?