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A really wonderful answer, so true. thank you.
Thank you @need. I like your reply. Like exhaustedcarer I agree with what you are saying. As for the therapy though, my therapist is nature :) give me greenery, flowers, trees, water, wildlife. The only thing is getting to spend more time around it. I guess finding the time is a problem for most folks on this forum. It's amazing how just looking at leaves calms the soul. The only time it does not have an immediate effect is when you're fresh out of an argument or other stressful situation. I also use this forum as therapy. @exhausedcarer hit the nail on the head quote: "So it's easier in retrospect to share experience or suggestions with others on a similar plight because most often it's what we'd do for ourselves if we could."
@beatty, great logic. beautiful. The forum has helped me during my plight, firstly, by reading other people's plight and seeing how it compares to my feelings; many people are in a worse immediate situation, whereas mine is prolonged consistent stress caused by other people. It helps me to "maybe" be helpful to others going through painful times. As @Venting said it's easy to write and help others, trying to apply that action to oneself is hard.
I do feel we all need some kind of creativity in our lives, something we do physically, keep moving, keep doing things.. Blessing everyone.
@Geaton777 thank you.
@bianca 40 years that's impressive giving help to so many for so long. I see what you mean, yeah I hear you. thank you. I hope your personal situation is better now than before, Blessings.
;)
Having written that, let’s see how much action I take today.
We may not be ready to accept the harsh reality. We either deny the truth or we lie to ourselves that it isn’t that bad or that we can handle it.
This usually doesn’t end well for us. Sometimes, we push ourselves beyond our limitations.
Have you considered speaking with a therapist who can be objective about your situation.? You can work through your issues and look at viable options to resolve your issues.
Best wishes to you in your caregiving journey.
Common sense really.
Which made me look at myself - why didn't I see that? Or did I see it but discount it? Why?
I can read a question & suggestions start formning quickly. When I am IN it I believe that old F.O.G is at work. I just cannot.see clearly. Cannot see the right question to ask. Common sense answers out of reach, warped or muddled.
So I step away. Literally.
Take a long walk. Take the time & physical space & then the FOG drifts & I SEE more of the right questions to ask myself. Once I have questions, I can get to some common sense answer.
Posters many times know what to do, but are so fearful and frozen in guilt that they cannot stand up for themselves, so they deflect the right thing to do on others.
It is a strange thing yet I see it everyday not only here but in my real life.
So it's easier in retrospect to share experience or suggestions with others on a similar plight because most often it's what we'd do for ourselves if we could.
Half of life is showing up, the other half is getting through it. Be gentle with yourself.
And people are wonderful to offer ME advice that I probably can't employ into daily life.
BUT--there have been many 'aha' moments when I see something that CAN be used by DH and his sibs.
This site has kept me sane during this year as MIL's health declines and she is getting battier by the day.
Even my CARDIOLOGIST gives me advice--she's concerned about ME and the stress that having DH so enmeshed in his mom's life is on me.
I appreciate it, but I can't take it. I have no voice in MIL's care, and in fact, am summarily dismissed whenever I make a comment. I hate feeling impotent and useless.
Often, it's just the ability to vent our frustrations that helps.
https://www.agingcare.com/topics/30/burnout