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failings, they get the following::
1. guilt trip you into doing more and more to get that crumb of praise
2. draw others into feeling sorry for them, thus gaining additional care giving
3. enjoying lots of attention as the aggrieved party
4. enabling projection of their own faults onto you (most senior like this are often
neglectful of their own parents and children)
5.enjoy feeling powerful as they are the ones creating family drama and chaos
6. revenge on you for not completely sacrificing your life to spend every minute
catering to them
7.by painting you the villan, they can quit living in fear if anyone finds out the
truth of their selfish or abusive nature.
8. as the poor victim of "selfish" adult child, they can feel entitled to ask others
for favors
9. exploit other's pity for invitations to family gatherings of strangers, leaving
adult child who is sick or tending to own children, fending off accusations of
abuse or neglect.
10 gets to take revenge on adult child for still having relative youth and health
and money. many abusive seniors see fit to spend all of their own money
as well as yours. Not to mention your time and energy. They resent you for
having more energy and strength than they do.
Because we don't think like they do, it seems impossible that our parents can
act like this. I've seen and heard this stuff first hand, and while I now believe
it, it's still hard for me to grasp why someone would act like this. The above
"benefits" are completely revolting. But not to somebody who is essentially
a three year old in an old person's body.
childhoods, and now they want a third go of it. We have to remember there is a vast difference between providing needed care and becoming an enabler of someone's narcissistic and abusive demands. Perhaps God will sort us all out in heaven, but some of us have our own stuff (ie parent/child relationship) to sort out here on earth.
That said, boy do I get jealous of people with semi normal parents :/
I've kind of thought about this. Both my parents have been horrible to everyone that counted on them and behaved badly their entire lives, when they were young and cute and healthy.
I guess that I should expect they would be even more horrible given the challenges of old age and sickness. What are they going to do, all of a sudden be a nice person? When they have never risen to any challenge or looked after anything but their own interests in 75 years? How silly of me to assume that.
The important part, I had a spouse and kids and didn't repeat my parents behavior. I'm getting old and I'm not going repeat them in that respect either. Be it my spouse or kids I'm not going to make it hard on them. I have a couple of kind, graceful family members that went through disease and old age with grace, though their suffering was considerable. It is them that I choose to emulate.