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Did I get cynical? No.
Did I appreciate my own health? Yes, but I also experienced a great deal of stress when caregiving, and I developed high blood pressure.
Did I find help from others? Eventually, I did.
Did I become isolated? Yes, caregivers often become isolated.
Are you willing to answer a few questions about your situation please?
Are you working? A student? Full time caregiver? Did your dad ask for your help? Do you have any outside help?
What are your father’s health issues? What concerns do you have?
Best wishes to you and your dad.
How did it change me, I got stress related cancer, and the meds I needed to take caused me to have panic issues. I use to love to drive, but driving my parents everywhere they needed to go was a trigger. I was surprised we got to doctor appointments in one piece. I was a senior in my late 60's taking care of older seniors. I still have those driving trigger issues to this day, as my folks had passed 5-6 years ago. Won't step on a plane anymore, either.
I occasionally have certain triggers regarding memories too. Yeah, it’s tough. I definitely think that if a person hasn’t gone through this first hand, they don’t have a clue. I had no clue before I did caregiving first hand for myself.
A lot depends on your parent child history as to what the forward gear will do. You might be the driver. Maybe the overseer. Try to let him be as independent as long as possible. Target his issues carefully, not emotionally. Ask for help and info. Dont try to live his life. Respect your boundaries and freedom to be you and for him to be him. You get strong and responsible and try to laugh more.
I can only guess that at your young age that 58 sounds pretty old huh? Well guess what? IT'S NOT! There really isn't much if any "age related decline" at that young age.
I'm sorry but I just can't take your post seriously. When and if you ever do become a real caregiver(in like 25-30 years)you can come back to ask your questions.
Until then, thank your lucky stars that you don't have to REALLY care for anyone right now except yourself.
To the good changes? I learned a whole lot. I feel more capable. I am proud I could help him when he needed me in his last time on earth.
So I suspect for many of us there are good things and bad things, with the one certainty being change.
Cynical about the health care system , yes.
Appreciate my own health ? I don’t even know how to do that after being a caregiver , I’ve aged badly .
Caregiver rewards are an acquired anxiety disorder and high blood pressure.
Caregiving is isolating . You don’t have time for a social life . Plus your friends don’t want to hear the same complaints over and over . I found that caregiving took over and I had not much else to talk about so I avoided and didn’t see or talk to most friends very often . Friends can’t help much , nor do they understand or know what to say if they haven’t had the experience . Some friends who have had the experience would rather not be reminded of it by listening to your problems, which is understandable . To reiterate , yes I isolated myself .
And you will notice that most family members disappear and there’s always that one crazy one that swoops in occasionally to be critical . It’s very often left to one family member to shoulder the haul .
Bonus answer.
I don’t think anyone can be prepared for this . It’s not how you expect it to be especially if the issue is Dementia . Not everyone’s experience is as bad as mine was. Some even have said it was a good experience . Caring for my father with cancer was much easier than the frustration of caring for my mother and now father in law. Both had/have dementia and were very difficult . ( But there are some others with dementia that are pleasant and cooperative ). But you don’t know how it’s going to play out ahead of time .
Unsolicited advice.
No one your age should be saddled with this . You are young . If possible make other arrangements for your Dad, and LIVE YOUR LIFE NOT HIS .
Good luck .
I forgot another important parting gift that you get for being a caregiver .
After your parent passes. you get to try to pick up the pieces of your own life and figure out how to live again .
I know now where my strengths and weaknesses are. I know a Caregiver I am not. The only person I will take care of as long as I can will be my DH. He has not been promised more than "as long as I can"
Just writing and thinking about those times is hard for me.
Now I'm trying to give more than I have. So the things that have changed are I was happy at certain periods, pre 40's and now I'm mainly living, but caring for my mom. Now there are moments of happiness, instead of long periods (years) of happiness.
Sorry you asked :) people reading this may comment based on their current level of happiness.
Love & Peace.