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"How important do you feel it is to honor last wishes of your family members?"
That all depends on the last wishes, and how able you are to navigate them. Last wish is a particular hymn played at your funeral? No problem. Last wish is that the New York Philharmonic Orchestra accompany that hymn? Nope, not gonna even try to jump through those hoops.
"Have you planned for your own final arrangements?"
I have not. My only "plan" is to leave enough money so whoever survives me can pay for a service/remembrance that brings THEM comfort. I will be beyond caring.
"Should family members pay for their loved ones final arrangements if they can’t afford it?"
No. To what point and purpose? To spend the entire already stressful time stressing money issues?
"Should money be reserved for the person’s care or the funeral and burial arrangements?"
Absolutely on care. I would hope I raised my kids to be pragmatic and practical enough to make that decision without even a second's thought.
We have not planned or paid for our funerals, the money is there, and our adult children well know our beliefs that less is more, far less. Less funeral, less expense, less creepy funeral home people!
Very interesting points!
You’re absolutely correct when saying that Covid changed how things were handled.
Personally, Covid or not, I like the scaling back.
I remember as a child that these things went on for two days! On the first day, the wake was held during the evening hours at the funeral home.
The next day, the service was held at the church, followed by more prayers at the cemetery before the burial. Dragging it out made it harder on the family.
Later on, everything was held on the same day in the funeral home, which made a lot more sense to me. Clergy started going to funeral homes for the service. Some funeral homes have lovely chapels.
Some people decide to have everything at their church. This is a good option too. The cremains with a photo of the deceased or a viewing of the body can be limited to a couple of hours.
I don’t think it is necessary to have these long drawn out funerals. Keep it simple!
Notgoodenough,
I agree that with your thoughts!
Good for you, Frank! Glad that you are planning ahead.
I am sure my sentimental sister will want the whole nine yards of overpriced, fancy, flowery nonsense when our mother finally goes, and if there is any of HER money left to pay for all that commercial folderol, fine. But not one cent of MY money is going to such a ripoff industry.
Everyone should read “The American Way of Death” by Jessica Mitford.
Some people take grudges to their graves. It’s ridiculous!
My husband’s grandmother was like that. She wrote hate mail to everyone as she was dying in the hospital!
Most people want to make peace before leaving this planet. Others will be nasty until the bitter end.
I’m sorry that you experienced hatred from Gert. I don’t blame you for wanting it all behind you.
My husband is a devout Catholic. I am not. Our children are not. He hasn't expressed his desires, so should he predecease me, I can't say what we'll do. After watching his mother spend upward of $40,000 on his dad's funeral, I can guarantee that isn't going to happen, no matter what.
Write down your wishes, is all I can say, and be prepared to finance them if you want them followed.
$40,000 is insane! Hey, a party sounds great!
What is it with weddings and funerals costing so much?
My friend’s daughter is a wedding planner. She only does weddings for people who spend a million dollars and up! She makes a fortune planning weddings for the wealthy!
memorial that will be on the funeral home website. The military commitment ceremony will be videoed and available to watch on the website afterward. We don’t want people gathering and giving each other Covid. We don’t want anything that lasts more than half an hour. We don’t want to eat and chatter politely after burying our loved one. Funerals aren’t uplifting, we find them depressing. We’ve led wonderful lives, and when it’s done, it’s done.
She was a sweet person.
That’s wonderful that your church steps in to help. More churches should be charitable when families are in need.
I'm really glad she has done this because it saved me the grief of planning all that.
I hate funeral homes and I hate funerals. What I really hate is the family drama that comes with funerals and having a service like that. I think covid shifted how we as people feel about funerals. The modern concept of embalming etc comes from the civil war era. It just might be time for that to change.
She always made such a huge deal about the 'inheritance' but $2K isn't going to help anyone much.
As it was, she prepaid for everything,including flowers. Leaving her 'inheritance' intact.
Evidently, she had also left some 'letters' (I know one was for me) and while my YB who was the executor, was SUPPOSED to have given me this letter, he read it and said it would NOT be a good thing. He shredded it and I will never know what she said. Obviously, it wasn't nice.
She wanted the 'no holds barred' funeral, and it was nice, what she wanted. I don't think 100 people came to both the viewing and funeral together. It was a nice service, short and sweet.
After COVID and the resurgence of graveside services, I kind of think that's what I'll opt for. A short service at the cemetery and the interment of the columbariums. The family can go to a dinner at a local restaurant if they want. I don't really care, I won't 'be there'.
I am so sorry for your loss. Planning a funeral after we lose someone is incredibly difficult. I am so glad that you had your son to assist you.
Preplanning makes things so much easier for the family.