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Today has been tough! It started last night when a nurse from my dad's facility called and said he wanted to go to the hospital because his stomach was hurting. He has done this before a few months ago. During that time the nurse said they tried to get him to take something for his stomach and he refused. The nurse also said if he went, they would probably send him right back because there was not anything wrong. So I convinced him to take the meds and he felt better. Last night they gave him some medicine but he kept saying he wanted to go to the hospital. So the nurse told me that she would call back if he did not feel any better after the meds and still wanted to go. I did not get a call back last night but a nurse called this morning and said he was still talking about going to the hospital. He did develop diarrhea and she said he vomited some, So the nurse consulted with the doctor and she recommended he go. Well then he changed his mind and even ate breakfast. So long story short, he called me twice while I was church and started talking about the hospital again. So I called the nurse and he changed his mind again. Now he says says he will wait until tomorrow. I know there has been a virus going around and I'm not trying to say he is not sick but he often does this especially when he knows I'm about to be off work for a holiday. I also know he is declining cognitively. I now have a migraine.

Hi faithbeauty, it's never easy!

Yes there is a bug, and mine started with cramps, after I was done barfing, every time I ate the cramps would come back, so see if you notice that and maybe a bit week in the knees kind of feeling.

I hear you though, it could be the bug or it could be nothing.

You are just plan tired of the problem, completely understandable.

One time I took Mom to the pharmacy, the next day she called and said her pills look different. My thoughts where, ugh she just want to go back and putter around rite aid, but I also new , ya don't mess around with scripts.

So I took her back. Low and behold. They double her meds that lower her heart rate. If she took them things could of gone very bad.

But in your case if it is the stomach bug, there isn't anything much can be done. Id just monitor him, and increase his fluids. Unless it gets worse.
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Hi,
I had stomach cramps Thursday that hurt really bad but I did have any other issues. He says he wants to go tomorrow to have tests run but when they wanted to send him today, he refused. It is just tough not having anyone to lean on which is why I love this forum. I really can not afford to miss work if there is nothing really wrong and I do not have anyone else to send to check on him. Hopefully it is just a bug.
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🙄
This reminds me of the time dad was in the hospital with a broken hip, getting "attention", and mom decided she had way too many black & blues on her arms and needed me to take her to the ER. She was taking a blood thinner, btw, which was the reason for the bruises. I was seeing red. I took her to the ER and the doctor said, Josephine, what are you doing here? You're taking blood thinners and questioning BRUISES?
Mom says, I'm not questioning anything, my daughter insisted I come to the ER.

I truly thought my head would explode at that point.

Tell the AL not to call you unless dad decides to go to the ER. And then you'll meet him there. That's what I'd do with my parents, let the ambulance take them. He will get triaged much faster that way too.

Good luck to you.
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I agree with lea, I'd call Dad on the morning, not even ask how he was feeling, see if he mentions it first, unless he ask to go , I would just tell him it's most likely a stomach bug.

I get it, I go through spells where I just can't take one more issue.

Faithfulbeauty, you need to take care of you, and try to not worry so much. Dad has people being paid to do that. Your doing the best you can!!

Lea, your story made me giggle 🤭
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@lealonnie1,
Evidently he is telling people that he is going be admitted to the hospital tomorrow because a friend of his just called and said he told him he's being admitted tomorrow. He has had so many tests run already and they were all good.
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@Anxietynacy,
I'm at the end of my rope. I want him to be taken care of if he is sick, but I know he likes attention. Thank you for saying that I'm doing the best I can because I really am.
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Faithfulbeauty, why don't you leave this thread open come back and vent here anytime you need to.

You have a lot going on. Let us know how tomorrow goes, also.
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@Anxietynacy,
Thanks for the suggestion. I will leave it open. I definitely have a lot going on.
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I am sorry to hear you are on the same merry-go-round, Faithful. But at least you are quite seasoned at it now, and understand when it happens and etc.
I think we often tend to suffer with the "But what if it is REAL this time" syndrome. And the fact is that it may be some day. That doesn't mean you can live your life on this tilt-a-whirl without getting pretty sick of it.
Good to hear from you. Wish the news was better.
Do go on your trip as planned. Something someday WILL happen to your dad. That can be banked on. And you can't meanwhile give your life up because that some day could be this day. That's wouldn't make sense at all.
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@AlvaDeer,
Your words are so true. I do have the "But what if it is REAL this time" syndrome. I definitely can't give up my life because of it. But I'm just worn out.
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Faithfulbeauty, when I call my mom and she doesn't answer, my mind would complete go in a panic state. It was horrible,

Now when I call mom, and she doesn't pick up, I can stop the panic inside me, by talking myself down. It takes time , and work, but it sure can be done.

And if you can stop that one panic feeling, it gets easier and easier, and your head feels more clear, your thinking is better.

And gradually those what ifs will just be little glitches and maybe a few skipped heart beats.

Think of your brain, on anxiety, it's just a snarelly over grown bush. With mindfulness, meditation, therapy, and positive affirmations, it can grow to be a beautiful tree
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@Anxietynacy,
Stopping the panic does make you feel better. I have been working on that. Dad will not answer phone sometimes when I call. He use to always answer or call me right back.
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Update- Dad called this morning to ask me if I had spoken to the nurse about him going to the hospital. I told him that no one had called me. So I called the main number and long story short, he did go to the hospital today. They told me that they would do tests at the facility. I feel that if it was a true emergency, they would have taken him.
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Correction, I just realized that I had said he went to the hospital yesterday but he did not.
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Ahhh, I was getting a little confused, how's your dad now. Did he go not go? Is he feeling better?
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@Anxietynacy,
Sorry for the confusion. My mind has been all over the place. He did not go to the hospital but he is still saying he might have to be admitted. He told me yesterday that they have not read the X-Rays yet. He says his stomach still hurts. He said that about 4 times during the conversation. He says he has been eating but not as much. Hopefully we will know the results of the test soon. I'm not saying his stomach is not hurting but I do know he likes to get me worried so that my focus will be on him.
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Faithfulbeauty, yes they all pretty much do that. I find my mother does that, then when it's something I should be worried about, she won't tell me.

Might be nothing or a lot of things. Diverticvulitus, no clue it thats spelt right, but that's something that comes to mind, causes stomach pain
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FB, my mother said she was "dying" all the time. She wasn't. She constantly had a bad stomachache and was burping, had diarrhea, etc. If I had a dime for every "illness" she had, I'd be rich. Ignore dad and just cut down on your contact with him. His histrionics is designed to nerve you up and it's working, unfortunately. Get wise to what's going on. I'm sure he may have a stomachache which is no big deal. The tests are all ok. If this were a true emergency, he'd have been sent to the ER or at least one of those tests would've come back positive. Try to relax and know he's where he needs to be. You WILL be called by the AL if there's a REAL problem.

Hugs
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Another update- So dad called about 20 minutes ago and said he is at the ER. I reminded him that his tests are fine and he said his stomach still hurts and he wants the hospital to run tests. I called the facility and the nurse told me that he was fine one minute and the next minute , he threw a fit like he was dying and wanted to go to the ER. I honestly think he is trying to get thrown out of the facility.
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Update- Dad did have a virus and is doing better. Please send positive thoughts my way. I'm truly struggling with seeing my father like this. He is not in bad shape but I can see the decline mentally and I hate that he can not do the things he used to do. I'm burned out emotionally.
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It's hard faithful, I so get it. We can only do as much as is in are power to do.

My mom's knee is bothering her a lot today, all she says is her knee hurts, then in the same sentence she says she doesn't want to go to the doctors. Which leads me to believe she does. So I'm going to have to deal with that this week.

It's very hard watching them struggle, everyday.

I just work very hard to not let my mind wonder to the what ifs, and when, where, how. Because we know they won't be here forever.

It's work for sure, but we have to put are selves before then and let those nasty thoughts go.

We deserve to be happy! Healthy, physically and Mentally!! Believe that, hold on to that.

I have found that the quicker I can get rid of those feelings of dread the easier and easier it gets.
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@Anxietynancy it is really, really tough. You are right. I have to stop my mind from wondering because I do that often.
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Faithfulbeauty, I've been working on finding my happy place, for quite a while, it takes time. At first it was like a daily rollercoaster I'd find my peace then I'd be going down. Then I'd be able to keep my ups for longer and longer, and able to shake off the downs quicker. Now, sence fall I've had very little downs, news is off too.

I'm trying to not let anything ruin my happy place. I'm sure I'll have my share of bad days but I'm doing everything I can to keep these good days. You can do it too.
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@Anxietynancy,
I have also been working on my happy place. I agree, it does take time. I hate that I waited so long to work on finding mine. Sometimes my happy place is just watching a good movie and having a favorite snack.
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Faithfulbeauty, there is nothing wrong with going on an antidepressants either.
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Also to add, movie and popcorn night is a great place to start, as long as you don't let your mind go to dad.
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I read this as your F faking medical symptoms to get him to the hospital – for excitement if nothing else – and that it is causing nothing but stress and unnecessary work both for you and for the facility. Not to mention wasting resources for the hospital. The staff are naturally concerned that ignoring his pleas for hospitalisation might get them into trouble, on the off chance that they turn out to be true.

I wonder if you could knock this on the head by coming to an agreement with the staff that you will accept their judgement about whether he really needs hospitalisation. And that you will accept the situation if F dies a little sooner in the unlikely case that instant symptoms aren’t faked. After all, if F had no family, the staff would have to make up their own minds, not always give in to patient whims. You might like to think about who else is involved who might need to be included in the agreement.

Clearly what is happening is silly.
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Margaret, that's a great idea,

@faithbeauty,you need to give up control and give it to the facility. I think your trying to hold on to a little control. Letting go is not easy, but really feels good
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@Anxietynancy,
I agree. I guess I'm just used to doing everything. But I'm learning.
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