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It is setting a boundary.
It is saying "my kids come first".
It is saying "MY mental health and needs come first".
Keep up the good work!
I think it brings up childhood fears of punishment, abandonment and "who do you think you are?" At least it does for me in situations where I first say "no, I can't do that".
Good job!!
I used to be a door mat so I know of what I speak. If what you did is poking the bear then I probably have a whole den of bears looking for me.
Send out the bear's laundry from now on.
She can place it in the bag to be left at the front door.
Both laundry and dry cleaning.
They will bill her.
Be happier!
This is just an idea.
As with children.. If they yell or demand. No. They may come back when they are ready & ask again - nicely.
No ask nicely = no get!
If MIL throws a 'tanty' & gets her way - expect that to become her mode of operendi.
I love your 'poking the bear' phrase 😆. Just add 'Growling Bear doesn't get her laundry done' to your phrasebook.
-the one holding the hot coal gets burned
-if a house is burning, try to save people, if you can’t, save yourself
Easy to say, I know. My FIL often makes indiscreet remarks…about all kinds of things. Some are annoying and some are rude and hurtful. I try to breathe and let go of the ‘hot coal’. It’s got to be difficult losing control. I also came to realize, with help from others, that some discussions are better left alone…throw logic out of the window.
Try not to let her get under your skin. It’s probably fear that drives her actions…or perhaps she a narcissist. I know there are lots of articles in this forum about dealing with that personality,
good luck!
If you haven't done it yet, you need a good sit down with her if no Dementia is involved. You can never reason with Dementia. (If u have small children, how old is this woman?) You tell her she is not a priority, your children are. There are certain things for them that have to be done at certain times. If she needs something and they need something, their needs will be met first. That she is living in your home and you will not be bullied in your home. That she needs to have patience. That you are not there to be at her beck and call. Set boundries and stick to them. She is acting like a child so treat her as one. Also, don't disable her. She should be doing as much as she can for herself. If she has any assets use them to place her in a nice Assisted Living when things sort of get back to normal.
Remember the elderly have very little to do so their needs are at the top of their list and they expect yours are also. She needs to be gracious and respect your role as a mom first.
Maybe she needs more hobbies to keep her mind off of her laundry.
My mother is a bear. she is drama queen and over focused on her health which is good for an 85 year old ( able to walk, drives, make food) I poke her when i ignore the droning on of her health and how every doctor and nurse is so mean to her.
I understand frustration and irritations.
but, I don't understand how being petty can be an act of self-empowerment.
If she needs assistance with laundry, she must have some physical or mental limitations.
Good for you for setting boundaries, they will be needed. Wishing you the best.
If I could add clapping emoji's to this message, I would!!
I don’t have to take care of young children and still found it difficult to care for my mom and do all the required care and my own housework. She could be needy and demanding too.
Does your MIL have Medicade ? Medicade has a program called In Home Suppotive Services. They will pay for a person (and it can be a family member) to perform household duties. (You must apply, background check too)
Getting help at home may alleviate some of the stress.
Good luck.
MIL is not the queen of your castle. It was very gracious of you to be willing to do her laundry.
If she starts up complaining or running her mouth because you don't jump the moment she says to, shut that down quick.
Tell her quite plainly that if she cannot shut up then she can get the hell out of your house.
Then stick to it. You are right to not touch her laundry and don't do it. She needs to learn that you are not going to be pushed around in your own house.
I stand my ground while she stands around with her purse over her shoulder waiting for me to take her somewhere I didn’t know we were going! Usually while I am eating breakfast and not yet dressed!
And low and behold she will now cooperate with me sometimes, so it can work!
How recently did she move in with you? What are her issues? How else does she bully you? How did it happen that she moved in with you? Did you agree to it? Are there other siblings? What is her financial situation? Does she contribute money to the running of the household?
Hasn't the covid situation improved enough that she COULD move into a facility? After all, your two young children could bring covid into the home, so it's not as if that makes your home covid-proof, right?