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I was taking care of this lady once, she was amazing at taking her meds. Your give her a hand full of meds and water, she would throw them all back, with water and they were gone. Well one day I gave her meds to her, turned around, looked back , the poor thing, forgot to swallow and started to chew, I felt so bad for her.
Not what your going through, but shows you you never know what is going to be forgotten next.
If MIL is “89 with advanced vascular dementia”, and that’s the way she wants to eat, is it really a problem if she chokes? Perhaps this is just one more thing that’s not worth a battle about.
But if you are concerned about how your MIL is eating then perhaps it best that someone actually feeds her thus allowing her to get just one bite at a time and not shoving things in her mouth.
And the fact that she may be choking is very common with folks with dementia and may have absolutely nothing with her eating too fast, but instead of the fact that when one's brain is broken the brain forgets to tell the throat to close thus allowing food to get into the lungs and aspiration pneumonia can then occur, which in most cases is deadly.
So I would make sure at this point that you're feeding your MIL only pureed foods and thickening her drinks with the product Thick-It, as that will help keep her from aspirating her food.