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BEFORE any of this workup be certain that any POA papers are done. Not necessary that Mom be perfect to do these, but that she can understand they are set in place now in case in future she is unable to make decisions for herself, so you can act for her according to her wishes.
Clearly you understand where you are, and where this is going. It is certainly also a fact that Covid-19 is here. Holidays, much we may love them, put a burden and onus on us that things "should be" better than they are, so try to relieve yourselves of burdens around this also.
Sorry things are so bad right now, but there is a way forward; you will have to stand strong in the fact of any MD opposition that denies the problem. Be quite honest as to say you have been desperate enough to consider the ER dump and not taking Mom back home simply so that you can get her diagnosed.
Good luck in future. I think for many it comes down to getting through the holidays.
Caregiving isn’t easy even in the best of circumstances.
Throw cognitive decline into the picture and it must be a million times worse.
My mom has Parkinson’s disease but no dementia.
I had a hard enough time being a longtime caregiver without dementia. I can’t imagine how hard it is with it.
Have you spoken to a social worker to help you plan for future care for your mom?
Step back. Get a different perspective on things. It would be helpful to hear a professional objective opinion of the situation.
Allow the social worker to assess the situation and offer feedback.
Wishing you all the best. I hope you find a viable solution soon.
Please don’t push yourself past your limit. This is tough for you and your mom. Sometimes separation is exactly what is needed.
Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty for needing to care for yourself.
You just need help in making a plan to move forward. All caregivers have questions that need to be answered.
You are smart to reach out. It does help to vent and work on resolving issues.
That must be hard to arrange for his care living so far away.
Get her to the Doc. Tell her you need help & advice & she will help you by coming along ... tell her you need new prescriptions... tell her it's a new yearly checkup. Anything to get her there. Hand over a prepared letter with bold letters & short bullet points:
* concerned about memory
* request neuro / memory test
* you work & are worried for your job & her safety if leaving her alone
* she refuses to let home help aides in
I'm sure you are aware of 'showtiming' that can fool some Docs in short appointment.
Be prepared to talk honestly in front of her. Keep your eye on the goal: To get action. Ensure the Doc knows you are serious. That you need to know what your options are. It may be Guardianship... but many people accept a referral to a Neurologist if their Doc says so. They even move into a respite home if their Doc says so. Worth a go before shelling out for a legal Guardianship imo.
If ANY abuse/violence with the delusions you could call EMS - then a psych review may happen.
If incoherent, driving her to ER or an urgent care would be a reasonable response too. Doesn't have to be a *ER dump*. Stay. Talk to the staff, tell them the details. Get on the Social Worker's books.
When my relative became delusional, at first the relatives she lives with tried their best to soothe & ignore. She wouldn't see a doctor & they didn't want to go against her wishes. Always wanted to keep her happy - avoid a scene.
But when the delusions were not going away, they made the decision that
professional help was needed. Their goal had changed.
Does that make sense?