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The irony that he grew to be a fine, upstanding husband and father and my stupid brother was the neighborhood 'predator' is not lost on me.
Protect the kids. Please. Believe them and give them the help they need--which, honestly? is just being able to feel SAFE. I NEVER did until I married a BIG guy. Even after my marriage my brother continued his groping until my DH offered to beat him to a pulp.
I can readily imagine that the little girl's parents won't want her subjected to any further upset, but there is more to this incident than her testimony alone and there are due processes to be observed.
My daughter, then age 20, asked for another younger child to be contacted by the police, because daughter had a feeling than perpetrator might be grooming her in the same way that had happened to herself, for several years before the actual major offenses, and since as he was still putting pressure on her (come with me for a special birthday dinner was the last straw). Perpetrator was a friend of her father’s and new partner’s, and I still find it hard to understand why daughter didn’t tell me earlier. Other child and her parents said nothing had happened. Of course perpetrator was grooming parents as well, lovely bloke, can’t believe it, etc etc. But they also said they would watch very carefully from now on. My daughter decided not to proceed with supporting the prosecution on her own. The police interviewed perpetrator several times, said his name would be kept on their own records permanently, and any other allegations would certainly be pursued – and with any luck they scared the life out of him. You can see that the ability to provide sufficient evidence to prosecute is another set of issues, besides the question of prosecuting a very old man for one possibly minor instance, with no evidence in court of a pattern of past behaviour.
The people involved in OP’s matter may take a different approach and support a prosecution. But if not, there still a need to think about how to avoid the bastard from taking another chance another time with another victim.
Like I said, the issues are really complicated, and the specialist units are likely to be experts in the best path to follow. OP, her family, the victim and the family of the victim have my total sympathy in a very difficult situation.
My own experience with this was that the specialist units in the police force or an appropriate agency are well aware of all the issues, and may be able to come up with a strategy that will be sufficient. Someone who goes in with high moral indignation and ‘a bull in a china shop’ approach, may make things even worse. On the other hand, perhaps prosecution for an older offence may be the only solution. Here the statute of limitations has be removed for old child abuse offences. Even threatening prosecution may shock his socks off and end his ‘lady’s man’ fantasies.
I’d ask the experts for advice.
My parents would never see me or my kids again if they didn't respond by calling the law the moment they found out. To hell with the old pervert and what he is going to be facing. I recommend castration and removal of his hands for a good start.
to a non member of the household and CPS is not the appropriate agency if you want something to actually happen here.
She will need a lot of counseling and she needs to have this recorded so she has something behind her if she ever does anything that needs to have evidence of sexual abuse in her past. Your brother should be financially responsible for her therapy and a legal report may allow her to have some kind of state funded help. Children first.
Anyone can report what they have heard or seen, not just the people involved. CPS needs to be in on this! Don't worry about your brother at all. CPS will certainly contact APS and get the ball rolling so he is able to move into a facility. Don't let that child be swept under the rug because no one wants to embarrass the old guy. He's a predator with a record of abuse and the public needs to be protected.
Who needs permission or prompting to turn a sexual predator in to the law. What in hell is wrong with people.
He deserves to be in prison and everyone that doesn't protect and defend his latest victim is as guilty as he is.
With or w/o dementia. he cannot be allowed to continue on this path. As a sexual abuse survivor myself--my gosh, my parents KNEW this was going on and did NOTHING to stop it....b/c they felt like things like this didn't happen in families like ours!
Well---nobody advocated for me, so eventually I had to advocate for myself. I was dxed with PTSD and all the lovely s/e's of that. 24 years of therapy and counting and I am still not totally 'ok'.
My abuser was given a 'walk' b/c he was so intelligent and amazing and perfect and would NEVER do something like that. Duh, he was expelled from Medical School for gross sexual misconduct and never was accepted into any other program.
Once I came out about the abuse, the dams were opened. He abused possibly hundreds of people.
It's NOT Ok to give this person a pass b/c he's got some dementia. He simply can't be as wily as he used to be.
You can call, but I don't think the VA isn't going to be able to "help" him. They might *encourage* him to seek counseling, but I doubt it would work, because I doubt that he sees he's doing anything wrong.
It's not "ok" that he does this sort of thing to adults, either, whether or not they can fight back. He is going to continue until he's stopped by law enforcement. And even then, I don't know that they will give jail time to an 89 year old man. But at least he can be made to register as a sex offender, which will give people he might come into contact with a warning about his behavior.
If I were in your position, I would strongly, strongly encourage the child's family to report him to law enforcement, brother or no. He can't be allowed to continue this criminal behavior and then hide behind the "but I'm an old man" defense. If the family refuses, you might call the law enforcement agency that covers where he lives, but I don't know how much they will do based on your report, since you're not the victim. But at least then you know for yourself you did what you could.
I'm so, so sorry you have to deal with this, what an awful position to have to be in.
If he has been diagnosed with dementia (or if he has not been "formerly" diagnosed at this time) often times that filter we have goes away. And normal boundaries are dropped. This is why you hear complaints of people urinating in places that they normally wouldn't, or walking into other's houses, stealing, swearing and things like that.
Contact the VA they may be able to help. Depending on where and when he served he may qualify for a little bit of help or a LOT.
He should be reported but if he is jailed or if he has to go to court he may not get the mental help that he needs, if he has dementia he needs a different type of help than he would get in jail and if released he needs supervision.
If you can not handle this from across the country and if he is declared incompetent it might be best that either a closer family member handle this or you can request that he have a Court Appointed Guardian. If this happens you will not have anything to say any longer about his care or where he is placed.
Ok..just read your comment that he has been an abuser in the past. The question now is does he have dementia or is this just abuse? If he is of sound mind...he should be reported.
Your brother should have been dealt with years ago. Anyone with children should have been warned of his behaviour. I would allow the State to take over his care. You are too far away to help him.
Before you take any action, make sure you can rely on this unsettling information. False charges would be disastrous.
Is there any history of this kind of behavior?
Second, is he getting any support or help from the VA, not necessarily psychological but medical? Do you know which VA? Have the names of any contacts? Which team is treating him? If so, you could contact the VA to find out what psychological and/or psychiatric programs might be available, but getting him to accept treatment could be another issue.
Third, did the friend advise of any action he/she took?
Fourth, I think it's a grey area what your obligations as proxy are, other than to inform law enforcement.
You're his POA - is he currently still able to act for himself, or are you already making decisions for him?
Of course anything to do with the sexual abuse of small children is a red rag to a bull when it comes to people's reactions; but what exactly has happened and who has told you about this? Are we talking about a long history of offences which has just come to light? Or a confused old man mistaking what he was doing? Where is your brother living, how did the child come into contact with him, what form of "sexual advance" and what was the impact on the child -
There are so many questions you need to clarify before you can decide whether there is anything you can usefully do to a) remedy the situation and b) ensure it does not recur.
I'm not sure if there's anything you can/need to do as his POA in regards to the sexual abuse allegation. Is he still competent? You're not legally responsible for his behavior. If he is still competent to make his own decisions, and you don't want to be involved with him because of this, you can resign your POA. Even if he's not competent, you can resign your POA, but my understanding is it's a little more complicated.
Not to excuse the behavior, but if your brother has Alzheimer's, inappropriate sexual behavior is often a symptom. IF that's what's going on here, and you brother is under doctor's care, I would contact that doctor ASAP and talk to him/her about the situation. They might be able to give you some resources to guide you.
Good luck!