By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
It sounds like you need to reach out to others, like a support group, people who would be possible friends and maybe even a pastor if you are connected to a church. If all that is not available, then see a therapist. Ask for some help instead of making yourself a martyr.
Your mom survived in life without her mom for i'm sure she outlived her. You will be able to live also. Sounds to me like if she went to a nursing home, then you could make some friends.
Your mom's health may be beyond what you can handle 24/7 even though you promised her that. I bet she had you promised her that while she was in rather good health. Now she's not.
And I really do get that. My Mom is still here. But not really here. If that makes sense. It's so difficult to deal with. Feel like I've lost her too. Which we have-lost her. We just try to keep it about the moment. Because the next moment? She won't even remember. Build yourself a support system. Everyone needs that.
I know its upsetting but this is why this desease is so horrible. They lose who they r.
It sounds as if you need to take care of you. You’re with your Mom 24/7 and are run down emotionally. You are doing a wonderful job! Please cut yourself some slack. Mom won’t get better and I’m sorry you have to cope with this. The good part, you still can hold her and tell her you love her. Take some time with hubby and tuck any faux guilt on a shelf.
Many good wishes Tracy
All caregivers with a parent that suffers from a mental illness which slowly but surely -and sometimes not so slowly- takes away the person they used to know and their role(s) in their life, go through a rough grieving process a long time before they actually lose their parent physically. Some may say that in a sad way this is advantageous because when the true moment of grieving comes the caregiver may be able to deal with the situation better, as the grieving process really started a long time ago. I don’t necessarily see any possible advantages when dealing with such hard situations.
For you, the loss of your mom as she used to be came all of the sudden, and if you add to it the huge emotional challenges that caregiving brings which in a way break us a little more every day, you are simply struggling accepting the unfair reality and finding the strength to face it, and it is very natural. All of us can empathize with you and fully understand what you’re going through.
Now, what to do with the guilt and jealousy? Apply objectivity and logic. You know, intellectually, that your mom is not ‘forgetting’ you on purpose, like you said, the illness took over. There is nothing more to consider or to try to guess “why you”? Because there is no choosing involved, the illness simply erased some information..and maybe some will come back. You are rightfully overwhelmed with emotions and also very tired, and that makes you more emotional and less able to see things realistically. Once you calm down a little you’ll see how things put in perspective make much more sense, no matter how difficult reality is, at the end of the day it is reality, and needs to be accepted.
I guess you could put it this way, if she was ill with something else, not mental, which didn’t allow her for example to talk to you and share things and give you support as the best friend she used to be; or to walk, as the companion you are used to have, would your resent her because she left you alone in a way, despite being there? Of course not. You’d suffer seeing her so limited; you’d suffer for her and for you. The same goes for mental illnesses, it is just ten times harder to deal with it because we still see the person we love, just acting in a way we don’t recognize and we cannot accept.
Now guilt, why guilt? Because you may place her in a nursing home after your promised her you would never do? Well, I think what you were really promising is that you would always ensure she was receiving the best care possible. That doesn’t mean that you would always be the best person to take care of her, and I know that sounds harsh, but it is a reality we caregivers struggle with a lot, I know I’d be having a terrible time accepting that reality, but it is the reality nevertheless. You, as much as you’re struggling seeing her change and act like a different person because of the illness are too close, too attached to be able to care for her right now; in a nursing home at least they have professionals, trained people that will just do their job without having the burden of emotional implications.
Lastly, if your healthy mom could see you how you’re feeling right now, if she saw how much you’re suffering and struggling seeing her like this, what do you think she would, from her heart, want you to do? I think she would advise you, as your best friend, to realize it is time to look for help and try to heal yourself a little. That is what your best friend, your mom, would say. So please don’t feel guilty for following the advice she would give you in her right mind frame.
If you’re a believer, pray, pray for peace and acceptance. My faith has been my #1 support through all this, without it and all I’ve learned here on agingcare im not sure I’d be able to handle all the challenges that come my way. So have faith, because faith will lead you to hope and hope to healing.
A hug to you!