By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
She might very well be doing that. Misery likes to see other people (especially their daughter) even more miserable than they are.
Why do you need to cater to her every need? You have a family to care for, they should be your priority.
Might be time to rethink all of this, your children will carry their childhood into adulthood, they will remember all of this.
Good Luck!
Your husband comes first, then your children and home come next. Your mom comes somewhere after all that.
Why have you allowed her to rule your life like she has? It's time(actually it's way past time)to put your big girl panties on and let mom know that from now on you'll only being stopping by a few times a week, and that on those days you'll be leaving no later than 7:00 p.m.
If she's needing that much care than she no longer should be in independent living, as she's no longer independent, and should be placed in an assisted living facility. And she can hire(with her own money)any additional help she may need.
I wish you the very best in getting your priorities back in order and getting your much needed sleep.
Oh, wow. She grabs that umbilical cord and ties you up with it!
Just tell her you’re going and go. You don’t have to
listen to guilt tripping. You tell her to stop it and walk out immediately.
”Oh but she’s my beloved mother and I can’t I just can’t be disrespectful oh what would she think and I can’t be a bad daughter and she’d hate me oh woe is me!!
You’re a grown woman and your family time should be precious to you. I’m leaving you with that guilt trip. It’s the only one you should be paying attention to.
I think you are misguided in your thinking.
"I have to cater to her every need."
Says who?
This can be seen as self-imposed torture. You don't HAVE to do anything. At all.
Just stop.
You say "No mom, I have to leave now."
"I have to take care of my mom, who lives in an independent senior apartment"
She is anything BUT independent.
If she can't fall asleep by herself, then she needs a higher level of care.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm.
You can do it, OP. Stand up for yourself (you don’t need to say anything to her; show it through action).
(VentingisSNACK)
Also, speaking of safety issues. Sounds a bit dangerous to be out driving around after 10:30 at night every night. What if you're followed home, or someone's hiding behind a car - waiting for you in the parking lot? Or, if your car breaks down on the way home or you slide into a ditch?
I sure wouldn't drive late at night unless it was something important, like going to or coming home from work.
p.s. I wouldn't feel a moment of guilt telling my Mom a therapeutic fib like that, either.
(Just a thought.)
I’m so very sorry that you found yourself in this situation. It’s a shame that your mother doesn’t value your time.
How can you not resent her for behaving so selfishly?
You are overwhelmed by your situation. When I became so overwrought in my caregiving situation I ended up in therapy.
I will tell you what my therapist told me when I became resentful of having to do too much for my mom.
He said, “You’re angry and it’s okay to be angry. Use that anger as motivation to make appropriate changes in your life.”
I remember another poster who had a therapist who was a straight shooter like mine. He told her, “Never let the sharks see you bleed!”
I love that! My therapist gives me useful advice, none of this woo woo BS!
Make a plan. You can do this!
I saw another poster post lyrics from one of my favorite bands, The Rolling Stones.
I replied back saying that I saw The Stones perform, ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’ live at Louisiana State University Assembly Center when I was 18.
Caregiving was the furthest thing from my mind when I was rocking out to The Stones with my friends at age 18, but the lyrics certainly apply for all caregivers to tell their parents.
You can’t always get what you want!
I often think about the lyrics to Paul Simon’s song, ‘50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. I saw Simon perform that song at our Louisiana Jazz and Heritage Festival. I think someone should do a remake of that song, 50 Ways to leave Your Mother! Maybe you can write the lyrics. 😊
Best wishes to you and I hope that you will figure out a way to escape being your mother’s slave/babysitter. You have a husband and your own children to look after.
Not when she “allows” you to leave.
Trust me, this will only get worse. When she demands you stay next to her 24/7. I refused to leave my husband and 3 school-aged kids in order to fulfill my mother’s demands, and the suicide threats, notes and attempts started. She is now in care.
What are the needs you are catering to? If she starts the guilt routine, tell her, "Maybe you need to move into Assisted Living if you need so much help from me now. I have my husband and kids to take care of, plus I have a job....you have no responsibilities, and can sleep whenever you want."
I love the suggestion to say your eye doctor has told you, "No night driving." Fib that he has found cataracts, so you can't risk loosing your drivers license, or have an accident (driving home tired in the dark) because she wants you to "tuck her in" every night!
Give her 2 days a week MAX for "catering" and after an hour, grab your purse and say, "Gotta go!" Seriously, when do you have dinner with your own family? Take time with your kids? Have a nice evening alone with your husband?
Tell her you aren't going to argue about it, your husband and kids are your priority.
Stop letting her needy selfishness ruin your life. She only wants a personal slave, not a daughter. Sounds like time for Assisted Living to me. Life is too short!
I hope that the reason why you haven’t posted is because you are getting some well deserved rest!