By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
The rest of the family has given you the answer, the father needs to be placed in SNF.
If he goes to the doctor every week that should be a clue that he is beyond caring for himself at home. Although, I doubt that all the visits are necessary, one year before we placed my step-father in AL, Medicare paid over 2 million dollars for his care in 1 year. Big business.
Lot's of "We" going on, IMO sb more "Hubby" and less "We".
Good Luck!
Have him assessed for the level of care he actually needs, then let the facility do what they're being paid to do.
They are cheaper, in my area, then an AL. They have better caregiver to resident ratio and have a homey feeling.
One thing I always question, does he really need to see multiple doctors, multiple times a week? I think we just blindly make appointments without ever asking if we really need to come back in 1, 2, 3 weeks/months, whatever. Usually not, unless they are treating something, not just prescribing meds, which most of them only need annual visits or 6 months.
Unfortunately doctors visits become social events and a good reason to get someone to come help. Maybe trimming the fat off the visits will help.
I am glad to see that your husband is trying to care for his Dad, even if Dad was out of the picture for decades. Hopefully they can make up some of what they lost.
Curious what is the caregiver or facility doing? Or am I reading it wrong about "caregiver support"? You mention "visiting" your husband's father. The caregiver/facility should be helping Dad-in-law with bathing, etc.
Ah, yes, all those medical appointments. I remember running my parents all over town for appointments to every type of specialist there was. Well, as sig-other and I have gotten older, we are running ourselves all over town for doctor appointments. Comes with the territory of getting older.
Has FIL been tested for dementia? Maybe that's why he's so non-compliant. Oftentimes profound hearing loss causes dementia to worsen or start up in the first place. Also, a huge symptom of dementia is refusal to bathe/bad hygiene and refusal to take medication. That could be what's going on with FIL and why things have declined so drastically lately. A SNF would likely be the best place for him, and it might not wind up being so 'hard emotionally' for him. Lots of times we 'children' have to ensure our parent's safety first, and their comfort or emotional well being comes second. I had to do that with my mother, who did not want to be in Memory Care AL but she HAD to be, for her own safety and management of her dementia. There was no way she could live independently, even with caregivers coming in to help. Even in Memory Care, there was still a LOT I had to do for her!
So my suggestion is to sit down with DH and come up with a plan. Help him find a SNF for FIL that seems suitable for his needs. Then you can help move him in there and get that ball rolling. Don't expect there to be no involvement with FIL once he's placed though; there will still be certain things DH will need to do. At that point, however, he may agree to go see dad alone and then you can be off the hook for further involvement. Just help them GET to that point first. I say this b/c my husband was crucial in helping me maintain my sanity while I was going thru hell with my parents for a 10.5 year period. Had he left me alone to deal with them on my own, I'd have lost my mind and probably wound up divorcing HIM in the process. Team work makes the dream work.
Good luck to you.
There is no emotional rediscovery ‘payoff’ for you, and no reason for you to be involved. Let DH work through it by himself. It will be quicker if you aren’t trying to be ‘nice’ all the time.
You may choose to reduce your care-load for FIL.
Your DH is free to choose his own level of support - different to yours.
Would this difference cause a problem? Are there expectations you must if DH does?
The care plan is due for a re-assessment by the sounds - to ensure it suits ALL the people in the plan.
Otherwise resentment grows.