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The 15 yr old is probably going to be pissy about the move as 15 is a most selfish self-centered age. But they will adapt as will your & your wife's parents.
Buy a boat too and get those kids on the water.
I hated long distance caregiving. BUT, you are pretty young to just stick around *just* in case something happens that results in caregiving needs in the future. You will have options to move back closer, to bring them closer to you, or to rack up frequent flier points, but I don't see it as truly horrible to cross that bridge when you come to it. But its a tough decision - will the kids miss their grandparents being practically next door? How much do you hate Minneapolis? I have visited and think its a pretty neat town myself, but then I visited in the summer. I did trips from Little Rock AR to PIttsburgh PA every 6-8 weeks, alternating car and air, for about 3 years, rather than uproot myself and my family when I faced that unwelcome dilemma. I'll also admit to asking my young adult children to consider moving to Mom's house in Pgh as an alternative but neither took me up on it.
Your parents may live another 20 years or more. Do you think they should dictate where you live for the next 2 decades?
If your parents or your spouse's parents become in need of help in the future, you will have to decide the best way to deal with it at that time. Don't borrow trouble ahead of time. Go, do your own thing.
The fact your parents have expressed unhappiness is something to consider yubecha. Obviously you care about your parents. Only you know if they'll be able to handle the change and if you'll be happy knowing they can't accept it.
Before you go; you should have a family mtg (with both families for that matter) and make sure you have frank discussions about medical and financial wishes, DPOAs and Medical Directives, Wills in place for both parent sets. Ask them their wishes? Would they be opposed to moving closer to you if they need more care or anticipate more care? Do they have support and financial systems in place should they decide to stay in NY and MN and need to move to AL, Memory Care or other? Do they want to stay in their home? Are they open to in-home help or assistance if needed? Were they planning on you taking care of them in old age?Just some important questions and preparations. Things can change very quickly for a number of reasons and you don't want to have these discussions in a chaotic state. This will give you peace of mind going forward.
You shouldn't feel guilty; it is our parents job to raise us with no expectations on the other end.
If circumstances change, you always have option to move back at some later date.
lol.
my sons live in gary indiana and if i ever move it will be farther AWAY from them..
Can you move "for a year" to see how you like it, and when you are settled and sure you want to stay, invite them to move out too?
This is the ONLY reason that I am glad that my parents are dead: that nothing I do can hurt them any more. Good luck.
It is a hard decision. There are so many things to consider. And each of us is so different in what we can handle.
I am the oldest in my sibling group and I didn't have my own family. In my own mind, I felt I could never leave my parents. They did me to be close to home to handle everything from housework, yard work, paper work, you name it.
But at the same time, I do believe you have a right to make a decision that will make you happy. By staying I do have a lot of resentment and anger about the responsibility and sometimes burden of being the default caregiver.