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His situation finally escalated to the point where he needed immediate medical help and was hospitalized. He was found to be "incompetent " of making decisions so he is now in a facility. The DR. told me that had my Dad been mentally competent (understood the consequences of his decison) then he could have gone home.
I live in California. I was told by an Attorney that our elders have the right to make what you and I consider STUPID & SELFISH decisions.
You are liable for this person IF YOU take over being their care-taker and somethings happens to them because of something you do or don't do and they get hurt or worse. This is what was explained to me anyways by MIL's attorney.
Hope this helps.
My mother sees a wonderful geriatrician. Mother was in a transitional care unit and had some tests. A growth was discovered in her pelvis. This was unrelated to the reason she was in TCU. When she was discharged and saw her doctor, the doctor said, "I see that you have been advised to have further tests done on a growth that was discovered. Would you like me to arrange that for you?" My mother (aged 90 at the time) said, "No. I don't think it is anything. It doesn't both me. And if it is something, I don't want to know." Doc said, "I will respect your wishes. You certainly can make up your own mind. But I need to tell you that if you do have cancer there are treatments for it and that could give you a longer life." My mother said, "I have lived a good long life. If I have cancer, I will not take any treatments for it. So I would rather not know. What will be will be." The doctor asked me how I felt about this, and I said I respected my mother's right to make that decision. She then assured my mother that she would respect her wishes, and that if she changed her mind at any time further tests could be done then.
So at least in this state doctors may be required to spell out options for their elderly patients but nobody hauls the patients off to a nursing home if they select the "wrong" option. I sincerely hope that is how it works where you are!
I would be less worried about dying in her home than about suffering. It would be awful if she falls and is in agony alone for several days, for example.
If it were my friend, I would try to come up with ways to minimize the risk of suffering, and let the timetable for death take care of itself.
We have a scale hooked up to our phone life. Hubby weighs each day. He also punches in a series of answers on the little screen. If the nurse monitoring the readings and answers sees potential congestive heart failure problems she phones here and also reports the situation to his doctor. That kind of remote monitoring might make sense for your sister's friend.
A medical alert system allows someone to call for help even if they can't get to a phone. We have one, but I'm not at all sure that my husband with dementia would remember to use it. My mother wears one, and though she is often confused (92, livng alone) I got a call for the monitoring company last week telling me that she pressed her button and could tell them she fallen, wasn't hurt, but needed help getting up. Perfect! If Friend doesn't have such a device, I think that would be an excellent first step. You say that she is competent so the chances of it being used appropriately are pretty high!
I don't know what other things you are worried about. In what way does staying in her home seem "suicidal" to you (or your sister)? Are there ways to minimize those risks?
You and your sister seem like very compassionate people. I hope I have friends like you when I hit 90.
I hope you can get your question about liability answered with a simple phone call to an aging help line, without giving any names. I can't imagine that if anyone is liable for a charge of "neglect" it would be a friend. But, hey. laws can be weird. Call and get an answer and put your mind at ease. In my book, your sister has no moral obligation to force her friend to do things against her wishes.
Off the top of my head, I think a "competent person" can make the decision to stay in their home. Reason being that you can't force them to move if they are competent. I think you know this and appreciate that a competent person might prefer to stay home until an injury occurs that forces them to leave. I kind of think you appreciate this desire of an older person to live the way they want to live.
On the other hand, you know this person is not safe and your conscience and concern regarding liability makes you wonder if you should push to have the elder taken into the system of hospitalization and nursing home care; a life they do not want; to eliminate the possibility that you will be held liable for neglect.
These are just my guesses, based on what you posted. Are you able to talk to the doctor? Do you feel doing so is a violation of your elders trust? Is in-home care available for the elder or is that against their wishes? You could call Adult Protective Services and ask them what they think the laws are. You could call your local Area on Aging and see if services are available to keep the elder at home as long as possible.
Could you share more from a personal perspective. I think it would help you and those who read your thread.
Wishing you the best outcome. Hugs, Cattails