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Good for you for reporting Marks death to Social Security. I agree - fraud is a big deal. I'm glad you did the obituary and memorial service for Mark. We need these rituals to move forward with our grief, I trust the grief group will be helpful. I know they have been for me.
I am sure your emotions are all over the place. That's normal. They need to be expressed and the grief group can help with that. Journaling helps many too. Learning about grief helped me to understand what I was going through. It's very much a physical thing as well as an emotional thing. You may be quite tired at times. Grieving is hard work. Please take extra rest when you need it and be sure to eat properly and stay hydrated. I'm sure your dogs are a comfort now and have been in the past.
Prayers for your issues at home to get resolved and the roller coaster ride to slow down.
Alva, what an interesting thought, when we take on missed placed guilt, we are kind of thinking we have some superpower that we are not using to fix are aging loved ones. Almost God like.
You didn't cause this.
This wasn't fixable.
Not your fault and not yours to cure.
You are a fallible human being just like all the rest of us and it is hubris to think you have godlike powers to change things.
You made survival decisions for yourself and gave best guidance and advice you could to someone you cared for. He is at rest. See to it that you do not waste time insisting on staying in the realm of a kingdom that is now gone.
I am glad you're in a support group. You need and deserve that. Just remember to celebrate the times that were good, the times you shared, and remember there comes a time for you to concentrate not on the past but on your own future and you present.
I am sorry for your loss. May you find peace and remember the good times you shared. Wishing you and your little dogs all the best.
I mourn your loss and hope time brings you relief. I too recommend grief groups. I did these after the passing of both of my parents and inevitably insights are brought up that can help us adjust. Wishing you strength and eventual closure.
So sorry for your lost.
But please no guilt. No caregiver should ever feel guilty.
Feel anger, relief, sadness and grief, all necessary and appropriate for however long it takes you.
So please try to let that thought go!
Absolutely you deserve a good life. But I understand how you feel. When we lose someone, our self esteem suffers for a while. That too is part of the grief process. It will take some time for you to grieve and be able to focus on what lies ahead. Sometimes it's one hour or one day at a time - even one minute at a time. But you will get through it and you can come out of it stronger even though you don't feel that way now.
At some point when you are ready, grief counselling and/or a grief group could help you a lot. It did for me, Know there are many here who care and who are praying for you.
Be kind to yourself, thanks for the update.
So sorry 😞
The road ahead will be hard, but you will make it.
I came across this post about grief I thought you might like:
Here's the truth about grief:
Loss gets integrated, not overcome.
However long it takes, your heart and your mind will carve out a new life among the weirdly devastated landscape. Little by little, pain and love will find ways to coexist.
-Megan Devine