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I am so sorry that you had a bad day today with your mom. As a former caregiver, I can attest to understanding how you feel.
Vent anytime you need to. We are here to support you during this difficult time in your life.
Wishing you and your mom all the best. Take care.
looks like whatever else goes on with all this you are learning a whole lot.
You are learning you are responsible for and choose your actions, and learning that you cannot change others, that you can't expect enlightenment with someone with the limitations your poor Mom was born with and couldn't rise above.
And you are learning REAL forgiveness, which is being able to love someone even knowing that you are never going to get what you needed from them, but recognizing it is their own disabilities, not yours.
I think you have a lot to share with others, especially the knowledge that you can do this gently and with love even when you know that it's not going to change, there's not going to be any miraculous-Hollywood-scene-of Redemption.
And I even see a glimmer of ironic humor in what you wrote us.
So this particular TOUGH TOUGH love afficianado thinks you are showing real courage and growth and should pat your back most heartily, because I cannot. And you know, we still can whine. Just as long as we remember to see a glimmer of humor in the human condition, we are allowed the whine, I think. Or the wine--a least a glass of it.