By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
DH & I went to see my 93 y/o mother in her Memory Care ALF last night, as we normally do. The visits are getting harder and harder for us as her disease progresses and her behaviors worsen. When we got home I just broke down & cried at the dinner table. I'm just so exhausted, emotionally & psychically. It's been since 2011 that my folks moved here after dad had to give up his license, and 5 years since he passed away. My mother has been getting increasingly more difficult to handle ever since, and as an only child, I bear ALL of the burdens. It's a lot. Just the mental anguish alone feels like a full time job sometimes, doesn't it? The never feeling 'good enough' or that we've 'done enough' or that we can make them happy just grinds away at the psyche and erodes the spirit after a while.
I have no sage advice to offer, just to say I 'get it'. I feel your pain. Hang in there. She's in good hands, you're a good daughter, and you've done The Right Thing. Don't let ANYONE tell you differently, okay?
They always want to go home. She doesn't realize how good she has it. That is what I would keep saying. Mom you have a really nice place, an apt to yourself. You don't have to cook. Don't have to clean. Don't have to do laundry. Your making new friends. And mislead. She has Dementia. She can't reason anymore.
When you do visit, direct the conversation. Bring a game, a puzzle, a craft, anything to work on together and talk about. When she falls into the "you must do this..., that..., or the other.... get her out," redirect the conversation to the good things she has in the present location. Never promise something you will not do. Just keep redirecting the conversation to more positive subjects.
But then I remind myself that she is safe, is taking her meds as directed, eating well, and is never alone if she needs something. She has people to talk to and activities to join in on.
And I can visit to see her, not do her household chores, change lightbulbs, and the hundred little things she needed done at her house.
When she says, “I want to go home.” You say, “I know that you do but this is your home now.” Tell her when you reached a certain age that you left her home to start your new life.
It was appropriate for you to move away from your mom’s house. You were not going to live at home forever. She is at the appropriate age to move out of her home and not return, just as you did not return home to her house. It’s called, ‘moving on.’
Thank you for your post. It does help to know that I am not the only one experiencing this.
You have my support. Many of us have been where you are. I am in therapy. It definitely helps. Best wishes to you 💗.
Cheri and Val,
I understand the pain you feel. Watching suffering, guilt, others wanting to die is so heartbreaking to see even if they have valid reasons for it, exhaustion and so on. It’s a constant battle that we have gone through or still going through.
Take a deep breath and know that you are enough just as you are. You are doing the right thing by ensuring that she gets the level of care she needs by placing her in a facility with skilled nurses that can properly watch over her and care for her. You are only ONE person and can only do so much- nurses are trained professionals and work in shifts. Trust me, you have made the right decision. Don't let mom manipulate you with her pity party and negativity.
Have you try writing your feelings down on paper? Some times it helps to get our feelings out and see if there is any real base to our feelings and our crazy emotions. Just a thought!
Hugs!!