By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Are you sharing the care of your mom? In her home, yours or your sister's?
If you withdraw from her care, what options will the others have?
It sounds as though you know what is best for your mom.
Why is your sister against doing this? Did she promise Mom she would always care for her at home? Or is she thinking about budgeting the cost to have Mom in a senior facility?
There comes a time when seniors [or one who is pushing senior citizen age] shouldn't be taking care of older seniors. I know how exhausting that was and here I wasn't even hands-on. It can take a physical and emotional toll on everyone who is caring for Mom at home, because we no longer has the same energy we had when in our 20's or 30's.
Someone is definitely losing a lot of sleep at night. That is why nursing home staff is usually 2 or 3 shifts of workers. And you will notice hardly any of the Staff are senior citizens themselves. There's a very good reason for that.
I wonder about the 82 year old. Does she have children? How is she holding up to this situation? What is her opinion?
At some point will you and sister be caring for your aunt?
Is there a senior day care that your mom could go to? Is it possible for mom to get respite care for a few days or a week to give you both some needed time off?
I wish I knew the magic answer.
My sister and I shared responsibility for my mom for awhile. Nowhere near the problems you have but when my sister was diagnosed with cancer I told her she was out. My mother and sister had a cantankerous relationship over the years. They lived close to one another. I was three hours away. After sisters diagnosis, I made the trip weekly and managed moms care until she died. After my sisters surgery and rehab she was able to come back into my mom’s life as a daughter visiting and not a caretaker. I had been that visitor for most of our adult life so while my relationship became one of duty and stress, my sisters improved dramatically. When my mother died, my sister was able to grieve while I was so numb from caregiving that it took me years to recover.
With no actual experience with placement, I can only imagine what that would be like. Not my first choice. Obviously it wasn’t your first choice either. But I can appreciate your desire to back away from hands on at this point.
Let us know how you resolve this with your sister and your aunt.
The New Year is a good time to start planning. Set a date for stepping away so that you are working toward a deadline. If your mother's financials and important paperwork are done, you have a good place where to start. If not, start there.
Planning for services that your mother needs is your priority. Things like meals, laundry, bathing, and safety. If your sister is unwilling to consider a memory care facility, pivot to bringing those services into your mother's home.
If you feel you can be honest with your sister and aunt that the help your mother needs is beyond what you yourself can continue to provide, honesty is best. Your mother will need more help as her health declines further. Prepare yourself that some people fail to consider the toll caregiving takes on us caregivers. And if that is the case, then just stick to planning for things like meals, laundry, bathing, etc. Good luck!
The directors have answers and have seen about everything that there is to see.
We just transferred mom into a beginning level memory care (from assisted living) and it is wonderful knowing that she is safe, well cared for, and that we can visit as often as we want to.
As a nurse and with former long term care experience, I VOWED never to put mom into a 'home' - I would've rather her live with me. Well, I offered that option a few times to mom, and she thinks that I live "too far away" from things and declined the offer. I had a tough time with that for a while, until I saw the amazing, new memory care places that have recently opened up - and I am IMPRESSED.
They are nothing like the 'w/c assembly line in the hallway' type rest home that I worked at and vowed over.
Bright, spacious, (locked facilities for safety) with a warm welcoming look, specific dementia-type activities (they are able to watch or take part with), with totally separate, different buildings for different levels of memory care... I can't say enough how wonderfully peaceful it is for me to know that mom isn't just 'dumped at some place'. They care. It shows. It is best for HER.
Who is the power of attorney for mom? They make the final decision. Get brochures, get excited, know what mom qualifies for for finances - and do what is best for mom's needs.