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- Realize he still loves you. It’s not him consciously wanting to leave or trying to frustrate you, but it’s the disease that’s causing this impairment.
-What time of day does it usually happen? Does it get worse if the day has been busy? Pay attention to the trends, and then you can be better mentally prepared.
-Anti-anxiety medication can help, like the class of benzodiazepines. Talk with his doctor.
- Spend quality time together during his best times of the day.
- Look into getting assistance around the house during his worst times. If this is at night (sundowner’s syndrome), have a family member there or hire an aide to take the pressure off you. While they fuss, go read a favorite book or take a bath.
- Plan for the future. It’s not easy to talk about things like this, but there’s real benefit in knowing what his wishes are and what options are available. (Assisted Living, Memory Care facilitates, Stay at home benefits, POA, etc). Your Office of Aging can help. Also, an elder care attorney knows the legal aspects and can help tremendously.
Good luck on this bumpy journey!
You need to do what you need to do even if the family isn’t supportive. It is all too easy for those who don’t have to deal with this on a daily basis to throw in their 2cents and insist that he is fine. All you can do is try your best to explain the situation and encourage them to come around more so that they will get a taste of your daily life.
NO, it is not! It may be equal or close to, but one situation does NOT mean the other is easier. I took care of my husband when he had cancer and died 22 years ago, and it was very, very hard. But taking care of my mother in her 90's is beyond hard..... I am so sick of her selfishness, and my lack of direction in fixing this situation. I want my life back !!!!
DH may likely continue to believe he is fine. But, maybe, he will listen to his doctor and follow his advice. Can you get an aid to come in an help you with some things? Even if he doesn't think he needs help, you could say the help is for you. Having family support is great, so rely on them if they offer.
Most people don't understand why caretaking a person with dementia is so challenging and mentally draining. That's because they think it's just about losing memory. They don't understand that it's the bizarre behavior, repeating, nonsensical comments, unreasonable demands, delusions, and inability to do simple tasks like work remote, make a sandwich, handle personal hygiene, etc.
I would reach out to get some respite time. You need time to relax and recharge your batteries. It's too much to be on duty all the time.
Depending on his progression, he'll need more and more hands on care. I'd explore your options now, so you can plan or at least have an idea of what is available to you, like what he can afford, in home help, Memory Care, etc. Sometimes, having a list of my options, makes me feel better.