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If the caregiver company works well with you they may find the right person that clicks with your husband.
There was one male client that wouldnt let anyone in the door. But they kept sending some there, and then they would leave. One day one of the paid caregiver showed up and he was at the door refusing to let her in.
Then he said before you leave can you help me get the remote unders the couch.
He let her in and they bonded.
Sometimes it's about the right timing. Often it's about the right person.
I was sent to a NH to watch over this lady that was vilant, while they found her a better place , for her needs. We bonded and she said I had a calming effect on her. Her brother was visiting and she picked up something to throw at him. I said stop she looked at me and put it down. Because she trusted me.
Other clients I didn't bond with I couldnt help . So they would send me somewheres else
Best of luck
That has worked for several folks I know like you who had husbands who didn't want any in home care. Over time the husband became comfortable with this person being in the house and would eventually let them help him also.
Best wishes.
Take your husband to visit a nursing home. Tell him that if you cannot care for him at home, and he cannot be managed at home, he will have to go to in-facility care.
If he has severe dementia this "threat" won't work.
And if that's the case then it may be time to acknowledge that you cannot yourself go on managing his care in the home.
I am so very sorry. This is very tough and very sad.
Does he grumble but accept?
If so, I'd explain the help is for YOU. To help clean etc.
Explain. Then ignore the grumbles.
Does he verbally fight the idea with you constantly?
I'd drop the topic. No longer discuss it. Avoid any mention in advance if this riles him. Eg No mention that tomorrow aftenoon X is coming.
Does he physically stop staff from entering your home?
That will need immediate intervention & discussion about aggitation & mood with his Doctor.
Q2. Can he cancel the service himself?
If yes, instruct staff they work for YOU. Only YOU can cancel.
If not, then it is more about changing your own mind set. About letting go of 'convincing' & towards 'arranging'.
I've been told it can feel *foreign* or wrong. Feel like *telling* instead of *asking*. Can feel like an abuse of your power as a caregiver. Yet, too much control given to the person lacking reason ends with abuse of the caregiver. They become enslaved (of which I have read a few posts today already head that way).
See what others have to say on this. Dignity of choice, consent - these things do matter. It's an interesting topic. Har far can someone go when refusing their own care?
I know many on this forum would say he should have been placed months earlier and I offered it as an option but my mom was adamant to keep him at home as long as humanly possible.
So I am sorry I don’t really have any advice, but I do have heartfelt sympathy! I truly hope it all plays out better for you. But I also feel like we all (me, my mom, the hospice staff) did the best we could. And I am sure that you are also. Best wishes to you.
Physical violence is a whole other issue.