After caring for my mom, with vascular dementia, for 4 years, my sister and I had to make the decision to have her placed in a care facility. She had been living in her home just fine for 3 years while we took turns going over every day to check on her, bring her meals, and other necessary daily living activities she could not do. In August she had some sort of "incident." She had some mini strokes in the past and I know they caused some decline each time, but whatever happened in August, changed everything. Caring for her was already difficult for the past 3 years because she could be nasty at times, and she had never been a loving and caring mother. Suddenly, she was very incontinent (no longer just occasionally), could no longer turn on the TV, often did not know where the bathroom was, etc.
She suddenly required 24/7 care. We alternated staying with her 2 days at a time. It was awful! 48 hours of dementia care dealing with the incontinence and all that comes with this sort of care. We would go home on our days off, only to be at home long enough to do laundry, get a few things done, and then back again. We dreaded each day with her. My sister is 70 and I just turned 69. This was more than we could handle.
I did some checking into private care facilities and found one that was thousands of dollars less per month than other ones similar. It's less than half of what a nursing home would be and many thousands less than a memory care facility.
We decided to take the plunge before we completely lost our minds and what little strength we had left. We DID NOT tell her this was what we were doing. We just took her over, got her settled, visited for a while, then left to let her get acquainted with her new surroundings. We expected a very difficult adjustment period. It didn't happen. We took turns going over once a day, for the 1st week, then every other day, to see how she was. She has given the caregivers some pushback about going to bed as early as they want her to, but all in all, she really likes it there, is happy, and NEVER asks to go home.
After 4 years of losing myself in dementia care, losing out on my grandchildren's lives, and developing physical problems myself but not being able to do much self-care, I'm finally getting a break. We do realize she could decline to the point of someday needing nursing home care, but there are also 2 other residents there who I would have thought would need nursing home care, but they are doing very well in this home.
My point of all of this is that a private care home can be a great option for a dementia patient, it costs a lot less, AND some of them do take Medicaid patients. I had heard about private care homes before but did not know how they operated. I know due diligence is needed in picking one, and we feel very blessed that the caregivers there do such a good job.
My mom is in a residential care home (private home, we are in CA.). I used a company called Seniorly who's main purpose is to research these homes for quality and price.
I found them by doing a Google search, the woman that took me on the home tours was very kind and knowledgeable. She showed me 5 homes that were in our price range ($4,000-$5,000).
My mom is in a wonderful home and is being well taken care of, I couldn't wish for more.
are licensed for six residents at the most. It's costing $4000 per month for 24/7 care including ADLs through end of life. Mom is currently on hospice and they will follow her there. I agree it is a great option. Try searching for "board and care"
Aging Care does that service.
I found my dad's by using a senior placement agent, I had 2 looking from different agencies and I found them from a booklet on senior living in the lobby of a rehabilitation center and a social worker.
Google these terms and call social workers at rehabilitation facilities to find out what they are called in your area.
I recommend giving your budget under what you can pay. Do a range so you can see multiple places because the most expensive isn't necessarily the best.
Memory care and how to find one?
There is a program called Group Adult Foster Care - awful name, but sometimes assisted living and memory care have reserved a couple of rooms for clients in this program. (also on Medicaid, for this program).
Call your local aging agency, or hospital SW to find out the aging agency. They can explain the basics and point you in the right direction, for free.
I am sure this information will be of help to others.
My father doesn’t qualify for AL due to being blind & requiring insulin management that only a licensed nurse can legally provide. The MCs will only accept him with significant up charges, resulting in a cost over $8k a month - again the insulin management is an issue. Skilled Nursing, or SNFs run between $10k-$14k a month. So of course I looked into private Board & Care Homes. Although I am still searching, so far I’m very disappointed in the Board & Care Homes. The ones I’ve looked at still charge $7k a month & don’t even have a staff of licensed professionals. A “Caregiver” is someone that doesn’t even have a GED or diploma in Ca now. The kids working in fast food make more money than someone being tasked with medication management for the frail & elderly. Oh they’ll dress them up in scrubs & even a stethoscope, but your manicurist has more medical training than these kids. Further research revealed that many of these “homes” are operated by a single business that runs a half dozen or more homes in the area, or even operated by out of state corporations.
My point is this - do your research. The “industries of care” are just like any other industry- It’s all about making money. Don’t delude yourself into thinking it’s anything but. And like any business, all opportunities to cut costs will be utilized - including the exclusion of an actual medically trained staff, unpermitted room additions, lacking basic medical equipment, and all sorts of corner cutting. Ask to see the licensing of the staff at these “homes”. Ask to see their defibrillator & if anyone knows how to use it. Ask about their profit margins…
I’m desperate to find a place for my dad that is both qualified & won’t bankrupt the family in six months. So far no luck. I wish I could leave the San Diego area for less pricy pastures. But moving means dad looses the all doctors he’s been with for many many years. He’s lost much already, and will only be alive for another 2 years at best. (He does not, nor will ever qualify for Medical/Medicaid due to not retiring until he hit the the max SSI) He has no other income or assets, but the SSI will never come close to covering his expenses. Too poor for quality care, not poor enough for any care.
A few days before Christmas, they sent me a photo of mom with Santa. They had a party for the residents and they all got gifts. There was a big smile on her face. She is being cared for and is happy and her money won't be gone in three months like it would have been in a costly AL or nursing home.
So happy that it’s working out. They sound very caring with their residents and sending a photo to you was thoughtful.