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If this rather concrete way of interpreting conversations is new and not " dad's always been this way", I'd mention it to his doctor at the next appointment.
Looking back, my mom's thought process changed when she was in her mid 80s. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, but she stooped being able to reason in the way that adults do. Her thinking skills became very black and white and included no subtleties.
1. Criticised me for having another child at aged 45 because we're too old and babies cost money.
2. Criticises me when I take time off work (I'm self employed so don't get paid). Get comments like "yes but you don't get paid" and "does your workplace mind you taking three weeks - I know I wouldn't be happy" (they're my client not my employer).
3. CONSTANTLY tells me to get a proper job where I get sick pay and holiday pay. (I've told him 20x I don't want to do and quite happy what I do and I do VERY well out of it as it is).
4. Criticises how I generally deal with work. Went away for weekend once and they called me and left a message asking me to call back whenever I had chance (they knew I was away) Every hour he nagged "better call them back or they won't be happy".
5. Criticises how much I spend on my kids for xmas. Hes said it to my wifes face on xmas day twice now!
6. Criticises that I spend £10000 ($13000) on a car. He has no idea because he doesnt drive but thinks I should spend about £1000. (So thats two days billing lost if I have an old car that can't get me to client).
Like I said, I'm 50 years old!
Has he always been like this?
What's changed? Why has this started to bother you?
Paul, how have you been doing with backing off with regards to your father's many unreasonable requests?
Barb - no he hasn't had an assessment. I've tried speaking to his GP but they think hes ok. I'm in the UK and healthcare is not great. Unless its an urgent issue then things get ignored.
Ikdrymom - I know hes not going to change. Its just so sad. Like you its getting pointless to have a normal conversation with him unless its about him and what he wants.
He's living alone, yes? Are you in touch with Adult Services in his local authority?
I know you posted before, some time back - but those memory issues are contagious, can you just remind me?
They basically said at the time - no in our opinion hes fine and there is nothing wrong. Thing is the first time I phoned them, he'd been going through a stage of calling 999, calling out of hours GP, etc all the time because he thought he was ill. Even then, when I said to GP - look he keeps doing this - they STILL didn't do anything.
What best way for me to contact GP to raise my concerns anyway? I phone and leave a message and nothing happens.
Social services have done many assessments and he has had a lot of work done at home. Stair lift, walk in shower etc. Hes had carers in the past but he ends up cancelling after a few weeks. Then hes off the radar for social.
What he really needs is for a professional to keep an eye on him but they dont. Its left to me and no-one listens at all.
I have exploded a few times when hes pushed it too far. He apologise but then 2-3 days later hes back to normal. It seems like everything else pails into insignificance compared to what he wants from me.
Does your father's GP have you registered as his next of kin and, crucially, as his primary carer?
Like I said before, he had a right go at me when I told him wife was pregnant with daughter - because "we were too old" and "babies cost money".
Nuts right. As if at the age of 45 (at the time) I couldnt decide for myself what I wanted to do.
Dad heard from my brother that I'm going out for the night near to where he lives (a friends surprise 50th party). I live 20+ miles away. So he asked me about it. I said yes but I'm probably driving because Im working on the Sunday.
Dad: "But you can't go out and drink if you're driving!".
Me: "Umm yes of course. I won't be drinking."
Dad: "You shouldnt do that".
Me: "What? Go out and not drink?"
Could tell he wasnt happy.
Next day he phones me...
Dad: "So are you going out and are you staying at my house?"
Me: "No Dad Im driving".
Dad: "Yes but you never know. What'll happen to your job if you get caught? You never know".
Me: "Dad. Im not drinking I told you. And no it wont accidentally happen".
It get worse - next day he phones again;
Dad: "I dont think you should go out. Why don't you tell them you can't go because you're working? Its irresponsible of you to go and maybe lose your job because of one night out".
Me: "Dad thats enough. I am old enough to decide what to do, and old enough to not drink and drive".
Dad: (here comes the emotional blackmail): "I'll be worried sick that night. I wont be able to sleep until I know you're home".
Me: (losing it at this point): "Dad seriously will you mind your own business please".
Hes not speaking to me now. This is not right, is it that he thinks he can control me like this? I dont know ifs a generational thing - i.e. if you can't drink you dont go out or what?
Happens all the time - its as if everything I do has to have his permission first. And its not as if any of his opinions are worth listening to - on the whole hes totally clueless to most things in life.
Have you looked into getting him seen by a geriatric psychiatrist?
Have you considered that he may have had a stroke that has caused cognitive impairment, which can lead to these sorts of issues?
Yes I do need him to be seen. Not that easy in the UK. Got to get the GP on board first.
I've had conversations in the past with them. In the first instance, it took me weeks of calling before someone even called me back. They just do not seem interested.
Last time they just said no hes fine, there is no need. I think they just put it all down to him being a complete PITA which I guess a lot of old people are....
Im planning to try again...
Your Dad's GP may still not agree that he needs to be referred (it's not a very big fee!), but it is standard practice for GP's to do mini mental state exams as part of a routine appointment.
I'm not sure much will come of that, mind.
Subject line FAO [your Dad's named GP, he will have one] regarding [Dad's name]
Dear Dr Jones
I have recently become concerned that my father is not managing his medications well. As you know, he takes paracetamol as directed but also cocodamol as prescribed to manage his knee pain.
I mentioned his memory difficulties to you back in [rough date] and at the time you felt that they were not of concern, but I hope you will agree that this point might be worth revisiting at his next appointment.
Please feel free to give me a ring if I can provide any information about this or other aspects of my father's care or living arrangements. With many thanks for your attention and kind regards,
PF.
Email? This is the south wales valleys mun. Last time, after I phoned them about 10 times and they didn't phone me back, I had to send a letter snail mail before they even took any notice!
Google your Dad's surgery. If they're not online a) I will be very surprised and b) see if you can persuade him to switch to one of the several practices in his town which are.
The staff are probably too busy looking at kitten memes and porn to answer the phone.