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I can understand the family being concerned that she's too complacent. I totally get it. But it's sounds to me like that's just the tip of the iceberg and there're other underlying issues.
I suppose it depends on your level of commitment. How much good are you doing your client, if every time you walk in the room she tosses something at you (words can be tossed as well as objects, right?) I'd feel like an utter failure, even if I knew better.
*sending lots of hugs*
But welcome Josh! That's kinda typical. Our clients usually tend to think of us as family. How long have you been caring for your client? My advice, you can't stop your patient from feeling that way. Just understand where each side is coming from and know you did nothing wrong. It happens in this job. Give the best care possible, and be open to the family. Hugs to all!!!
Awwwwww, PC .. what a mess! I guess all we can hope is that the family sees the rotten transition and reintroduces the Haldol. Either that, or it really is time to move on. Follow your heart.
Welcome, Josh! I'd say, based solely on what you've said so far, that they may feel threatened by the very fact that your charge is feeling closer to you than to them. Awkward. About the only thing you can do is assure them that your purpose is to provide him the healthiest environment possible and then promise to find a way to include the family in their dad's life as often as possible .. even if it means stretching the truth occasionally to mend fences (I'm sure you can figure out how to do that). Best of luck and do let us know how it goes!!
LadeeC
Are you in contact with the family in regard to his health, his needs, his mental state? More info please.... sending you hugs....
I feel, especially now, that I'm at a loss. Cg convinced husband to stop haldol all together. Today I was a slut, threatened 911, wouldn't eat cause I picked up her food. Said I put bugs in it. She had just listened to a movie about a women doing that. Swore it was me talking not the tv. Was yelled at every time I spoke. Husband got snippy with her, told her not to speak to me like that. Which I feel made it worse, though his intentions were good. I don't know what to do. Nobody in the family understands why she singles me out. But the smugness of other cg May be the answer. Just so frustrated cause G is on hospice, and feel drs should make decisions, not her. It causes just as problems with the family as it does me. Ready to tear my hair out! Just a matter of time again.
After I got back we just sat and chatted for almost an hour and a half mostly about mom, but also some about my absolutely, undeniably so, wacky sisters. There is nothing better for me than talking with caregivers that really understand this disease and how difficult it is! I could never have these talks with sisters they just would not get it at all! I guess it makes me feel validated, and not completely wacky myself.
thank you, LadeeM and LadeeC, and I will never tell the caregiver how to do anything. I will offer suggestions on what to do to keep mom engaged, but not how or even when to do it!
When I got a broken leg, it was because the family would not listen to me about how agitated she was... it was different... I was a live in at the time, I knew it was different....so my suggestion here is..... if you trust this person's assessment of a situation... LISTEN..... because it ended up costing that family a lot more than a simple Dr's visit to get her checked for a UTI and med changes..... and the part that upsets me to this day.... she was suffering..... I knew it, and my hands were tied because, after all, I was JUST the caregiver....
I wish you could find someone that knew how to come in and 'win her over', it can be done.... it just takes experience, it takes time, and like you said, just let them at it, come back in later or when the new caregiver calls you....
And try not to 'micromanage'... I have been with this family a year, and the one son, to this day, is telling me how to do things.....It's distracting to me, an energy burner for me to keep my mouth shut... ect...I can get Gene to cooperate and do things, while they are loosing it over in the corner, yet telling me how to do it....
Someone from the 'outside' can sometimes see or anticipate things that you don't....fresh eyes, for lack of a better term....I just hope you don't loose your mind before you find the right one.... I think of you often during my day... wondering if you standing on a street corner with a sign that says.... "Caregiver Needed".... sending you lots of hugs and chocolate... if all else fails, if no one hears you, chocolate........ works for me....
Yanno .. I've been REALLY lucky, so my comments are restricted. The only time I've had any real issues was after Edna's most recent surgery. She was amazingly confused, and it took WEEKs to get her to a point where she was less agitated. And by agitated, I mean she was trying to get out of bed on her own and really did NOT grasp that she *could* not on her own. It was a scary and frustrating time .. BUT .. in our case it took a lot of reassurances, constant reminders and repeated exposure to **us** (her caregivers).
I think it's a case-by-case basis: what works for me, might not work for our other Ladee (or any other outside caregiver). Sometimes, I'm a gruff drill sargent, at other times I cajole, and frequently, I just cheerlead, "you can do it, really! I know you can." I also approach it as a foregone conclusion that I'm here to stay with my attitude (I'm not trying to win her over .. my job is to be here and help, and that's what I'm going to do).
However, I also know that my approach doesn't always work .. in which case, I'm the wrong caregiver; this is who and what I am, and I don't even know HOW to change that. I don't take that personally .. we're just a bad match.
Let me ask you this: is she as combative with you? Is it possible that she's on meds that are adding to her paranoia? Might she need some (or alternative therapy, if that's your preference)?
Hope it all works out great for you .. I'm sure you can use the help!!
Ladees, yes both of you have you ever had a very difficult person to care for? My mom seems to be one of those. She has tried to physically throw caregivers out of the house with the phone in hand threatening to call 911. I will relax on the house cleaning they will have their hands full just trying to keep her busy and distracted. If you have had very difficult clients, is there one thing that you can put your finger on that helped ease the stress of the situation for them? Is there anything the family could have or should have done that would have eased the situation? Just want to pick both your brains. We are trying yet another caregiver tomorrow. I am planning on staying around 30-45 minutes, then will come back about a half hour before the caregiver is to leave. Any thoughts or suggestions would be most appreciated.
Can s/he push a vacuum (if she'd be otherwise able, but it's too heavy - the family needs to provide a more lightweight unit), I'll stand with and provide support (move the wheelchair, or keep the path clear), encouraging as much participation as s/he's capable of providing.
Is s/he capable of *any* self-assisted dressing tasks? I provide direction and cheerleading: "ok .. drag it on your right hand first.... yup .. like that .. don't give up, you're almost there. GREAT!! lift the sleeve a bit more ..yay! yes! now .. your left hand ... slide it all the way in ... " Get the drift? A task that would take ME two minutes becomes a 45 minute process. And, yanno what? that's great. Same with personal grooming. Sure, I could do it, but how does that benefit my client? BTW .. meanwhile, I'm doing memory exercises .. "Do you remember today's date?" "What's my name? How old is your daughter?"
So, now we're up to the second hour of the day and time to fix breakfast. Two choices .. I can make it, or play guide to letting her do it ... we're talking another one to two hour process ... and by then it's time for a potty break.
I think what's happened is that people now think of a caregiver as a fancy babysitter/housekeeper/companion. I couldn't disagree more. If the family wants the best possible care for their elder, their mindsets need to change .. and so do the agency's. A good caregiver is not only trained in good nursing aide skills, but has a working understanding (not expert, just experienced and willing to learn more) of various therapies: physical, occupational, speech, recreation, wound care, health conditions that recur in the physically limited (like UTIs, bedsores, constipation/diarrhea), are familiar with dementia/alz/etc therapies and treatments. And, I've really only scratched the surface. We're politicians with the family, we're advocates with the medPros, we have to maintain good working relations with the other caregivers and need to have good communication skills.
All this for $10 or $12 an hour. And you want me to be housekeeper, too? Nah. Not gonna happen. (Besides, I **hate** housekeeping.)
How do you feel about vacuuming and dusting? How often, if ever do you do it? We are working with an agency that actually asks what household chores you want done. I would never dream of adding windows or mopping floors to the list though.
Possibly not enough communication from the get go... at least with my charge before this fiasco I am in, asked if I minded doing some minor housework..... it wasn't expected, it was my choice....
Hey Ladee, let's come up with a handbook on how to treat Paid Caregivers, that will keep them with you forever..... we are a different breed....and constantly having to set boundaries takes energy I need for my charges welfare....Have said from the very beginning of this thread..... it is the FAMILIES that wear me out faster than my charges ever could on their worst day.....
As a paid caregiver, one of the things that galls me is how many families expect a caregiver to be THE housekeeper.
Being a caregiver, as far as I'm concerned, means that all my activity is directed at creating an environment in which my charge can thrive. If that means helping her do HER household chores, that's one thing: I'm going to provide support and be her cheerleader. The more she does, the more she maintains her independence and the longer she remains healthy. Everything I do with my client, from standing up to changing diapers to eating is all geared to promote higher functions. Most of the time it's in the guise of doing daily stuff. It's really NOT my job to mop the floors and do the windows. Do I clean up after myself? You bet. I'll leave the home in better condition than when I walk in. But, dang it, I don't make *nearly* enough to be THE housekeeper. They make, what? $35 an hour or something?
Just venting.
You could do her in if you are asked something about G's wound care for instance. Just say ever so nicely Ms X takes care of that she is trained as a wound care expert and does a far better job of that than I could. I"ll go and find her