By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Gather information about what it would cost to bring in outside help for 24/7 coverage. Show this to your brother and explain that you need a raise. Even with a raise it is going to be less expensive to keep you there than to pay outsiders. Also look at the cost of a nursing home.
Your mother wants to stay in her home until the end. My goodness, who among us doesn't? But we can't always have what we want. Sometimes the end stage of dementia requires care beyond what can be given by one person in a home setting. Your mother is already at the point where she cannot live in her home on her own. She may also get to the point where she cannot live in her home with only one caregiver who takes all 3 shifts, never gets a break to recharge, and has the household to manage as well.
If you have some regular respite care available (paid from your mother's funds) and also were getting paid more so some of the financial stress were reduced, perhaps you can delay the time when she will need to go into a nursing home. Maybe even for the rest of her life, depending on when the end stage starts. Those are worthy goals. But please accept that it is not entirely in your hands, and that doesn't make you a bad person. It is just the way it is.
Now, my Mom is in an AL for memory care. It costs $7100/month. (plus incidentals - - pull ups/wipes/hygiene items, etc. We had looked at SNF at one point, that was $11,000/month. There isn't enough money in the world to make you go from a loving daughter to a caregiver extraordinaire. And frankly, the AL where my Mom is provides SO-O much more than I ever could. They have volunteers and paid workers to keep the people busy, everything from visits and services from houses of worship to musicians. My daily visits are now the extras ... I take her out for ice cream, we do manicures together etc.
But my "real" thought for the day is - nothing in the will is relevant since it only kicks in after your Mom passes. It sounds like you need a family meeting. Things to consider, Who has POA? Who had authority in the living will?
Sounds like it's time your brothers shared in the care as well. You have to draw boundaries, or you could very likely have a worse stroke; then, who would take care of your mother, and of YOU???
I agree with Jeanne; we don't always get what we want in life. If your mother can afford an AL, or SNF, it may be the time, especially with your health going downhill. Either way, your brothers need to man up and do their share.