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So--off and on for the last 15 years I have had this man as a patient. He's terrible, grouchy and demanding and gets the kids on his side so I have them after me along with him....
He's not aging well--refuses to take care of himself. Eats like a crazy person, although he has 'controlled' his diabetes, he still put on 15 lbs worth of pie and ice cream and junk over Thanksgiving. I could cry.
He doesn't care. He states he doesn't care. But his health does affect ME and in a negative way.
I recently finished a 6 month TX for cancer. What did he do to help me? A couple of dinners of fried eggs (all he can cook) and a couple cans of warm Diet Coke when I was too sick to get out of bed. Mostly he traveled as much as he possibly could. He went on one trip for 16 days and didn't call once.
It is what it is. He's worse than I thought he'd be--really, he promised he'd take care of me during the cancer, but he didn't even go to all the chemo appts with me. He's what I married and I was stupid enough to think I could change him. Jokes on me, he is worse now than he ever was. We are looking to downsize our home and I am torn with what type of living arrangements we should make: a duplex where we can be together when we feel like it or a rambler style home with a basement apartment where we can house caregivers and not rely on the kids. I already know he will spend most his time sleeping as he has stated that he just wants to sleep as much as possible.
Retirement will not change anything for me--it will actually be much harder. DH is deaf and wears hearing aids with music or talk radio piped in all day, he doesn't even listen to me at all any more. I'm lonely already and angry---I try to talk retirement plans with him and he ignores me. we have a house with about 40 stairs in it and I am TIRED of running up and down them all day.
We do have an appt with our finance guy soon and he will HAVE to listen to him. Hopefully I can call him first and explain my concerns and be listened to.
It's not like he doesn't 'get it'! His own mother is 90 and just crazy---he sees her and is fearful he will be the same--and I worry he will be that way too.
Don’t you feel as we age time goes by so quickly? I can relate to you asking your husband how did we get so old? Hahaha
Happy retirement to him!
Geeeeez, did not realize that you had been through so much with your hubby! I think I would have cracked up! You’re a tough lady!
What a shame that men in general don’t seem to stay on top of their health. My husband only goes to the doctor if he absolutely has to. It has been many years since he went for a check up.
Four weeks ago, he was putting some things into the trash can, somehow stumbled and fell. He broke his hip, aspirated which caused pneumonia and what has been mentioned to me as the hip spiral,,,the steady chain of health problems that follow a hip break. In spite of all the hospital care, his health worsened, and he passed away last night.
We’re in shock...zombie state says my cousin. I did everything I could from special diets to being a cheerleader to managing meds to exercise, and it was a hip break that nullified all of our efforts. I’m heart broken, the kids are devastated and our family is forever changed. My mom passed two weeks ago...a rough month, Thank heavens for our wonderful kids, who are looking after me so well, because I’m hollow right now and just want to crawl under the covers. If there is a glimmer of positive, it’s that he didn’t go thru the full run of Parkinson’s, suffering the difficulties and pain of it.
I am so very sorry. I can’t imagine how you feel. My heart goes out to you.
It is devastating to lose a parent and husband back to back as you have. Many hugs!
Every 'sweet' that has come into the house has been recycled to my neighbors with kids and I will NOT keep candy and cookies and such in the house. Luckily, he really cannot grocery shop or it would be so much worse.
Has your husband always eaten that way? I wish husbands would be more concerned. My husband doesn’t overeat but he never goes for check ups.
My husband does walk to lunch. He’s in a walkable section of the city. Look at how many people stop exercising all together.
I imagine it will take some time. I don’t think anyone is truly prepared. We would like to be but it’s near impossible in certain situations.
Yes, DH has always just eaten whatever he wanted. His cholesterol was so low it was amazing--guess what? When he had his heart attacks they found his arteries totally clogged with cholesterol. His heart docs hold fast to the belief that cholesterol numbers are NOT indicative of heart disease. He is now on statins and his cholesterol is about 70.
He used to be quite the athlete and kept in shape. A few sports injuries and too much travel led to about a 100 lb weight gain in his 40's. AT 6'5" he could carry it off---but it caught up with him.
I KNOW I will be caring for him within 10 years. He plans in retirement to do nothing but sleep. Hence my possible plan for a duplex. He can hire CG's and I can have a life. The cancer will come back, for sure, one day and I know he won't be a 'better' caregiver than he's been in the past.
Funny, his view of my cancer was that he was there every day bringing me hot soup and magazines.
Some people simply do not have a caregiving gene in their makeup. I'm glad I know this waaaaaay in advance of our 'golden years'. I will care for him, but I will also no hesitate to pay for help.
I said this in another post, it would be better if he goes before me.
I so love your matter of fact approach and acceptance of reality. I wish men who don’t look after themselves would realize that it causes suffering for others.
My DH is an awful patient. He does go to his PCP every 6 months for his cholesterol med and BP med. But he rarely will go to a Dr or Walk In when he is sick!
He has 2 messed up knees from motorcycle wrecks younger in life. After he sits for a while he kinda hobbles for a few seconds. Our daughter and myself have been after him to see a Dr....nope.
He was on a Pheasant Hunt this weekend. After a full day of leisurely walking his hip was giving him fits he says. He left the hunt early. He is out of state on a job. He will be home on the 19th. I guess I’ll see then what shape he is really in.
DH will be 60 on the 18th. I am 58. DH is 6’5 and about 240LBs. I am 5’1 and about 140LBs. So......I am a strong hardy little cuss but should he develop severe mobility problems I know I will be in trouble.
Would my DH be a good caregiver? 5 yrs ago I would have said no! I am doomed! But as our 2 grandkids have come along I’ve seen a nurturing side to him develop. Nothing that would carry me thru a debilitating illness but a glimmer of hope.