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As I stated in another section, I worked with mentally and physically disabled and, as HR director, fired most of the caretakers the first six months. They were cruel in every possible way to their charges.


Any slight possibility of going to a place where this type of person may be in charge of my care or assisting me, puts me in a cold sweat. My son and his wife put her dad in a center as he progressed with Parkinson's and I have no doubt whatsoever that will be my fate.


Nothing I saw during my time as HR director gave me hope that kind-hearted people work in these places. It seems the dregs take these jobs because they figure they can take every advantage of the clients. Changing the employment application to insist on higher education, better experience, etc., did nothing to stop caretakers from taking advantage.


What makes it especially horrendous is that if these people are fired, the government regs do not allow HR to say WHY they were fired. Usually, they just go to another site where there are more easy clients to hurt, steal from or worse. The only protection is if the children come EVERY day, always at different times, to check on their family member(s).


I would NEVER put those family members for whom I cared in one of these places. And, that is from a person who cared for a husband who had a massive stroke and never recovered, a brother who had kidney disease and a daughter born with Down's syndrome. All of them were to precious to set aside.

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One thing that I've noticed is that people working in care homes seem to be in a rather insulated bubble, there is no mechanism for them to network with other facilities to share ideas and see what works and what doesn't. There are good homes with good management, and in bad homes there are still compassionate people who work there (at least until they burn out and leave), but it can be really hit and miss in finding them.
It's my belief that compassionate care has to come from the top down as the guiding philosophy of the facility; compassion and respect for their employees translates into the employees being more willing and able to provide compassionate care to their charges. It goes without saying that multinational for profit chains are the least likely to be the ones that accomplish this.
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I know the law when it comes to giving info to an employer looking to hire a former employer. I was given that responsibility by a boss. I had a letter for years from an employer asking the geneneric questions. I kept a copy because the last question was "would you buy a used car from this person". Goid way to get around the law.

But when there is abuse involved, then the police should be called in so there is a record of the abuse for those doing background checks. We should not be allowed to send these abusers onto the next place.
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I think this is one of the most troubling issues to contemplate as we grow older. I know that I will never consider living the last years, months and days of my life in an institution, facility, or whatever it's called. The loss of privacy is not something I could tolerate just to live longer, especially as life on the world scale has and continues to change so much. That includes changes on a domestic USA level as well as on the international level.

The experience with the APS worker reminded me of how little tolerance I have for interference in my life, especially by someone half as young as I am. And unless the facility has an organic garden, I wouldn't even consider it!

Magpiemazy, thanks for this frank and insightful assessment. I think the trend toward placing and/or living in facilities has grown to the point that it sometimes can be considered as an automatic alternative to finding coping methods for staying at home.
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Absolutely. It reminds me of how teachers who boxed ears or were quick with the yard stick used to just move on to the next school after too many complaints.
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After being a nurse for many years, I can promise you that there is a lot of variation in LTC facilities. You seem to have picked some real bad one. I have seem a whole range from poor to excellent.
My brother's ALF was marvelous. Filled top to bottom with absolutely dedicated people.
Sorry for your experience, but do understand it is only YOUR experience.
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That is what we did on more than one occasion. And by the time a case got to court, the mentally disabled forgot that the caretaker abused him/her. Instead, when they saw the person, they smiled and said something similar to: "Hi! It been a long time to see you! Miss you!"
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My SO works for a senior facility. Staff can’t use personal phones except on break. Breaks are exactly 30 minutes. Everyone is observed by any manager at all times. The managers in fact are the only ones who get a free lunch.


A facility like that has way, way more built in accountability for staff compared with agency or Especially Indy help.

The Indy situation is where you’re most likely to see mutual deniability of accountability. Paying under the table is common. Caregivers moving more of their stuff to the clients house, common. Expectation of meals to suit only the caregivers tastes. If you’re worried about fluid boundaries, a facility would make more sense as they do offer more guarantees.
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Yes, that was my experience, but it is far from being the only bad experience from others I know. It seems that good, compassionate care is the exception in too many cases.
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Yes, as bad as some may be there a more eyes to see, not just staff but other residents and vistors.
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My parents lived in Assisted Living and then Memory Care Assisted Living for a total of 7 years: dad for 1 and mom for 6. They received nothing but compassionate loving and excellent care from staff and administrators both, the entire time. If I was lucky enough to have the financial resources, I'd live in Assisted Living in my old age any time.
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And....another post that has been changed from a question to a discussion.

My second comment was in reply to JoAnn
My third was in reply to PeggySue
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I've been in 4 facilities this year. All four of them had great staff. Caring and helpful. The last one had terrible food. I would not hesitate to go back to a facility.
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This message is a reply to Becky04489:

I remember BurntCaregiver once replied to you, that you were at the facilities temporarily; BurntCaregiver explained that one is treated very differently if one is there temporarily or permanently.
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My SOs employer hires reference checks to a third party, which aggregates the info. The employer doesn’t even know their names.

Every employee is doj backgrounded, drug tested, tb tested and physically examined. They are told from day one not to accept anything from the client. They mostly accede as doing otherwise would result in immediate termination, and with that loss of their 90 percent Kaiser benefits.
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I think my experience in facilities is also greatly influenced by the fact that three of the facilities were private pay only. No Medicaid. The one with horrible food accepted Medicaid. I know it's not supposed to make a difference but I think it does. Another factor could possibly be family support. I have a very supportive family who visited at different times every day. Some people are left at the NH with few if any visitors. I will very likely be back in the nursing home in the not so distant future on a permanent basis and I'm not concerned.
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Magpie, I disagree that anyone’s necessarily setting an elder or disabled aside in choosing managed care.

Families aren’t incentivized to move an elder or disabled financially. Just the opposite.
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My mother has been in AL over 6 months now and so far it has been a mostly positive experience. It's a small place ..only 16 residents in the building...although they always seem short staffed they get around to doing everything. My mother can pretty much do most things...but needs assistance in shower and given meds. she has her mental capacity at 93 for now. So hopefully she would tell us if anything were amiss. I pop in there a lot since she's only 3 miles from me...and my sister also stops by at different times/days. I have noticed recently that she is getting more agitated when she has trouble doing something...but I do too! lol But the people who work at the AL seem to be caring...one of them even tells my mom if she needs anything to call her on her day off...I know everyone that works that and all the help staff are nice...the only ones that have an attitude are the nurse and Director. :)
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I totally agree with you GardenArtist...I think I would rather commit suicide than live in a place where someone would have to take care of me. But I would have to be in my "right mind" to do that...:(
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I also think that 'facilities' need to change ....I can't see myself in the type of AL that my mother is in....don't know why we haven't come up with newer ways of providing care for the elderly.....hopefully before I need it!
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I would love to live in the facility SO works for. There’s a gym, personal trainers, warm water pool, trips and activities, medical clinic on site. Staff are extensively backgrounded, and from Day One are told how to practice respect with boundaries in order to protect the senior. Staff isn’t allowed personal phones nor can they even purchase kitchen meals for themselves at break. They do get paid well, they absolutely get overtime, they get six holidays, and very importantly 90 percent of their benefits paid.
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And wouldn't it be nice if you didn't have to be as wealthy as Elon Musk to afford to live in such a place...
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Yes my aunt had 3 out of 4 children with Downes or retarded
and cared for them all at home. Things were different in the
1940's. Thanks for your wisdom.
Question. Live in a 50 unit mixed apt. bldg. Man, maybe 80,
with ALZ sits outside my window all day at picnic table No shade. Maybe 9 to 5. Just sits, no phone, no book, etc. Wife leaves him there. He never strays. He sort of rocks or does rythymic things.???? Is this elder abuse?
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If nobody is checking on this man, bringing him water, feeding him, taking him to the toilet or providing other necessities then IMO yes, that is abuse FivePeppers. I would document his typical week (isn't it nice that today pictures and even video are right at your fingertips) and then make a report to APS.
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CWillie, you have to buy a condo to get into SOs work, but you don’t have to be high end to have similar work rules.
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FivePeppers, following on CWillie's wise advice, one thing you might do now is to ask the landlord to provide an umbrella to at least defray some of the results of the sun, especially given the increased hot days in so many areas.

And perhaps the residents can bring glasses of a jug of water.

If he's not protected from the heat, he might have a heat stroke.

Is the wife who leaves her husband in the sun also a resident at the complex?

I would agree that intervention is needed; in the meantime, you could accelerate intervention by calling the police and reporting a vulnerable elder. They'll likely act quickly.

They might at least advise the management that there MIGHT be culpability if the management is aware of the situation and takes no precautions to keep him hydrated and not sunburnt.
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