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Mishka, didn't you tell me that You are the BEST Caregiver? I thought you told me that one day...? Lol xo
r
Love the jokes and wisdom from Kuli and the jokes from the Cap.
Christina! wassup!
Happy Friday to all and thanks again Boni for a great thread.
ok, I have to go up the dock for a pot luck. If I'm lucky there will be some pot.
lovbob
Captain~Funny!! That is one hell of a chicken!!
Sorry I don't any jokes to share but I love reading what you all are posting. Keep it coming maybe it will rejuvenate some of my dead brain cells...is it 5 yet??? Oh darn...it is only 3:20 here. I had lunch so I guess it is ok to have a beer now!!
BTW-my "discussion" about being a better caregiver was in jest-please note-I do NOT think I am a better caregiver!!!
Alrighty then, going out on my deck to relax. Be back in a bit.
Ummm-for a funny --one time my husband sold newspaper ads. True story. This outlet guy bought a full page ad for his big sale!-big bucks!---only thing is my husband accidentally put in the ad----"WE ARE UNDER STOCKED AND OVER PRICED!!!". Needless to say he does not sell newspaper ads anymore!
heres a good one too. a biker was pulled over late one night for speeding. as the officer questioned him he admitted that his bags were full of drugs that hed stolen from the man hed recently murdered and there was indeed a weapon on the bike. the patrolman called his superior to have a look and the biker agreed to a vehicle search. the vehicle search turned up nothing in the line of weapons or drugs. the seargeant told the biker that this was confusing as the arresting patrollman had reason to believe that guns and drugs would be found. yea, right, the biker blurted out. ill bet the prick probably told you i was speeding too.. he ha har..
I'm not wearing my watch, so I'm not sure what time it is. Wink wink. Cap'n you deserve a reward. AC mandatory for the next couple weeks. Drink lotsa water, too, and for all elders who cannot ask for it themselves. One of my pet peeves at the care home. They hate me there, I'm such a nag. I'll just have another margarita and fagedaboutit. Cheetos flying through the air!
Ben Franklin said: "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria".
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) --- the bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
Cheers!
Cheers and Happy Friday to all, Kuli
Wilma! WhooHoo! We're in the same time zone. I'll get my cat and meet you and your cat on the 405! Or the 101. Wherever you are, I'll find you and the margaritas!
where's YaYa, boni, CapnBobbie, CapnHardass! Come on down! 5 hours to go for me! I'm celebrating the completion of a 3 week root canal. CHEERS!!! xoxo ttyl
OMG, I'm laughing so hard over the waxing comments....!!!
I got my eyebrows shaped/waxed at a salon once and really liked how it turned out. When the brows started to lose their lovely salon shapeliness I bought a face wax kit at Walmart....I thought, how hard can it be? Of course I'd forgotten all about the soothing balm and damp cool cloths the salon had applied AFTER the wax. Not only did my do-it-yourself attempt yield two uneven and awkwardly shaped eyebrows, they were so puffy and red afterward I looked part Neanderthal! The kit went into the trash. I'll live with my "Brooke Shields: the Early Years" eyebrows....who am I trying to impress anyway?
I tell my younger friends...the good news is, when you get older, you barely have hair on your legs or pits to shave.
The BAD news is, it's now on your face!
Good ol Frank.
North West my ass.
omg I have to get my face waxed.
I'm sitting here laughing thinking about wtf a NoNo is, then I realize I have Google so now I know what a NoNo is haha. Went on the website and there was a lady zapping some guy's nipple hairs. Nice.
You have to get the special narrow Thermicon™ Tips for Small & Sensitive Areas in order to do your face.
Looks like it would be great on legs but I only have 7 hairs left on both legs.
I do have a Flowbee however, and am very pleased with it.
Got a face wax kit but am nervous to use it. Scared I am going to cook myself. Have only had my face waxed once and I didn't do it.
Not a lot of wax experience.
Had half a bikini wax a long time ago. First side hurt too much so one side was enough and I figured it would match up sooner or later.
I think I am too lazy to get old.
lovbob
The OCD one is going on my face book tonight!
Sarcasm...
Just one more service I provide
Some people say I have a Bad Attitude
Screw them
If you met my family
You would understand
Poor planning on your part
Does not constitute an Emergency for me
After Monday and Tuesday
Even the calendar says WTF
Never underestimated the power
Of Stupid people in large groups
Inside every older person
Is a younger person
wondering what the hell happened
When in doubt...
mumble
I smile because I have
No idea what's going on
I'm so old I can laugh, cough
pee, sneeze & fart all at the same time
Wine improves with age...
I improve with wine
I have CDO. It's like OCD
but all the letters are in order like they should be
I don't have a short attention span
I just...oooo look a bunny!
Hey Boni, speaking of stupid celebrity baby names remember Moon Unit Zappa?
Bobbie - the old nursery rhyme phrase "not by the hairs of my chinny chin chin" takes on a whole new hideous meaning, eh? I'm seriously considering the purchase of a "NoNo"
a homeless man living under a bridge hears a woman up top of the bridge muttering incoherantly one evening. the guy goes up and asked the disraught woman what was going on. " im going to jump off this bridge "she exclaims. " would you have sex with me first " the homeless man asked ? " hell no, the lady exclaimed. " fine, said the homeless man, ill wait till you hit the bottom " .