It's 5:00 on Friday...(my time zone anyway).

I'll start (popping open my diet coke)......So Mickey and Minnie are in divorce court. The Judge says to Mickey...I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds that Minnie is a little silly. Mickey says....I didn't say she was silly...I said she was FRECKING Goofy!

My Granddaughter Maggie: I love you Gramma.
Me: I Love you too Maggie!
Maggie: dank you vetty much!

Hey Boni, I am SO there!! It's like you read my mind! I wanted to start a thread just like this cuz I think at least some of us REALLY need it!!!! Just have to get mil tucked in (my narcissistic SIL is actually over there visiting with her right now - one of her 4-6 obligatory "visits" with her mother per year) and I'll join up.
Love the Micky/Minnie joke!

its 6 pm on my cloud. aint nothing going on here but some unopened hate mail on the table from the irs. they must not have liked my proposal to pay em a dollar a year for 600 years.

I talk the ears off the people at the grocery store. Current events, celebrity gossip, food....mom is always the topic when talking to family, and I have not made any friends since I've moved here....besides you guys. : )

capt, I lived in Indiana for a year, just before I came to Moms. I used to joke...The weather is Cold and Nasty....just like the people. You are the nicest Hoosier I know.

The disney joke is an old one...but the only other one I can ever remember is...why does a dog lick his balls....?

Hey Boni et al! Great idea! Singing tonight but I'll be here tomorrow with my Chardonnay, if you don't mind?! I'll brink some jokes and the Cheetos.
Have fun! WhooHoo! :) xoxo

i dont know where you lived boni but i live in central indiana. i took a bike trip to chicaggy a couple years ago and every time i pulled off the road for a smoke break someone would stop to see if i had mechanical problems. these were country roads and im not particularily pretty. i thought it was both kind and trusting of them.
i tried to lie down tonight for a bit and woke up sweating. one of us had turned the heat on and it wasnt me or the bird. it is 85 degrees in here. pretty sure mad max had something to do with it..

I was in Valparaiso and didn't get out much, but if I did go to the grocery store or such....nobody made eye contact, or said hello, much less a short convo. Here on L.I. everybody has a smile and a "have a nice day" for you. It's suburban heaven. Ya know, I was just watching M.A.S.H with Mom. Frank Burns was from Indiana...lol!

I think the nicest people are in Boston. I took Mom there about 6 years ago and we were treated like Queens wherever we went. One day we got caught in a light rain. A young man with an umbrella, passed us on the street and nodded to us and smiled. He stopped after a few feet, turned back around and presented Mom with his umbrella. "I can always get another, you need this now" and went on his way.mom and I treasure the memories of that trip.

How bout some one liners? Gleaned from late night time or any other time when my brain is too tired to do anything inteligent and wasted on Facebook funny pictures and posts:

I always mean what I say. I may not have meant to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Common sense is a flower that does not grow in everybody's garden.

My best friend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park...but in the end it doesn't even matter.

Tact is for people who aren't quick-witted enough to come up with good sarcasm.

Everyone needs to tell the Negativity Committee that meets in their head to sit down and shut up sometimes.

You may be dyslexic - if you find that life keeps giving you melons.

Behind every great man is a woman...rolling her eyes.

If I am ever on life support, please pull the plug - then plug it back in and see if I reboot.

You know how sometimes you smack a computer or a printer or some appliance with your hand real hard and it gets back to working? Too bad you usually aren't allowed to do that with people.

Have you heard about the new trend of rectal-colonic bleaching? It's a cure for all those ***holes who need to lighten up.

You're still normal...as long as you put your straitjacket on one buckle at a time just like everybody else.

I didn't trip and fall - I was just doing a random gravity check.

Welcome to the Karma Kafe - where we have no menus, we just dish up whatever you deserve.

I'm not saying you've crossed the fine line between drinking enthusiast to alcoholic, but the mosquitos that bite you are checking themselves into the Betty Ford clinic.

What do Facebook employees do to waste time at work?

If only our smartphones were smart enough to never let us call our ex-boyfriends and girlfriends.

WTF is not an obscenity... it stands for "Welcome to Facebook." (Get your mind out of the gutter!)

I have a terrible sense of direction...and I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

Oh wait - do I really have free time or did I just forget all the stuff I'm supposed to do?

Hey - does anyone remember the good old days when we used to take photos of our dinners, go out and get the film developed, and then go door to door showing everybody the pictures of your dinner? Before Instagram and Facebook? No? Me neither! So stop it already!

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.

Don't argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

Whoever tells a lie can not be pure at heart; and only the pure at heart can make good soup.
Ludwig Van Beethoven 1770-1827

Not even half way thru these yet and diet coke has come out of my nose TWICE!

My grandson's father is from Greenfield, IN....can be very charming when he's not manic or depressive. I've never spent any time in the Midwest myself but my nephew went to college in Wisconsin. He was impressed by how warm and friendly people were. Here in New England we get downright uncomfortable if some stranger in the supermarket deigns to invade our "personal space". Get a few beeah's in us though, whole different story!
Captain - you dropped your suffix. What's with that?

That was GREAT! I'm going to copy and save those! LMAO!

Dammit!!! Took to long to post! AGAIN!!!

I make pretty good soup.

:-)

I qualified for food stamps and I'm thrilled! It is not 'entitlements' but 'earned benefits.'

I bought my habitual bag of M&M therapy today...but I got the little bitty ones! I somehow feel they will be more therapeutic but it is still just a hypothesis.

I spent an hour or two reading at a site that posts real screen shots of text messages from parents to kids...parents shouldn't text is the premise....I lol'd at least a dozen times!


Dang...my 'other' topics of conversation are so random and disjointed! And I know that here, that is okay and is understood.

Love you guys! This place has helped me more than anything else has so far in this journey I will not mention in this thread.

lol again...

Aw Boni - love that you and your mom have such nice memories of Boston!

I agree babalon. Random and disjointed work here.This place is a life saver.
Yaya....couldn't tell you much about where we went or what we saw...it was the people that made Boston great. And the COWS! We LOVED the cows!

We would play this game......" HE could be a Kennedy...SHE could be a Kennedy" yes laughter ensued when I would point to a bush..... That could be.....LOL!
Mom is VERY Irish and VERY Catholic and felt right at home.

Some funny tee shirts:

That's not wind beneath your wings...
I farted.

My Indian name is Runs With Beer

All this....and Brains too!

Let me drop everything and work on your problem

I's so old I fart dust

If you're going to act like a turd, go lay in the yard

And my favorite....

How to handle stress like a dog...
If you can't eat it or play with it,
Pee on it and walk away

I bought my GD a onesie when she was born that said....does this diaper make my butt look big?

LOL...that's "wicked" cute! I got my grandson (age 2) a tee that said "chick magnet"

Because he can.

(the dog and his balls...)

lovbob

It is after 6 p.m. here in AZ, it feels hotter today because it is the first day of summer, and we are not the only ones feeling stressed. We are looking at homes to buy, and this realtor who is selling a home we liked, then turned on me this morning when I told him my husband wanted a detached house. He said I needed to have just one realtor and he saw we were being shown a home tomorrow by another agent in his office. (Why did he think I was going to use him as an agent when he was selling the house we initially liked - he represents the seller)? That's like putting the fox guarding the hens! Anyway, he ended our call abruptly and said, "Good Luck with your search!" I immediately tore up his business card. The heat here is absolutely not conducive to being in a good mood, no matter how cold your refrigeration is. As an AZ native, I just love to talk to others who have moved here from a cold region and complain about the summer heat! So, why did they move here? I for one am not fixing dinner, I am going to relax tonight and let my brain just try to think of nothing. Have a good night all!

You got it Bob!

@ bob,
in a couple more years of my lumbar disc deterioration i should be able to also. not hard to depict..

Lol Capt! Just talked to my Son, He's in Chesterton now.He bought a new fishing pole today and is taking my grandson to the lake tomorrow. What I DID love about IN, besides my son and grands was the scenery. Beautiful farm land, wildflowers, flatland which was quite conducive to beautiful sunsets. And there is NOT a nail salon on every corner. The women all wore hats or ponytails because the wind was always whipping.....wasn't worth it to fix it nice. And there was a great chinese buffet on rt.6. ;)

hey It's 5 O'clock Somewhere sure have enjoyed the smile you have all put on my face(except Ferris, thought I was switched to a different thread for a minute :-)......., sweet husband is sleeping, think I'll have a Crown Royal & ginger and make a toast to all of us,

Lord, please give us patience because if you give us strength, We'll also need new identities and one way tickets to a non-extraditing country.

Wow cap'n - another visual to scrub from the backs of my eyeballs!

Twopupsmom - I thought I got teleported to another thread too...
Great toast! Clinking my glass with yours;)