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fri nite with iced decaf coffee. i might just refuse to breathe after while to protest these inhumane conditions.
- "Age doesn't make you more forgetful. It's having too many stupid things to remember."
- "Now that I'm older I I thought I'd have more patience. Turns out I just don't give a s**t."
- "I find it helps to organize my chores into categories: stuff I won't do now...stuff I might do later...stuff I'll never do."
- "Instead of the John I call my bathroom the Jim. That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning."
And my favorite....not sure if this is a Maxine-ism but it could be.....
- "When I get old I'm not going to sit around knitting. I'm going to be checking my life line button to see how many hot firefighters show up."
had a good laugh with Asian girl nurse yesterday. in only 4 weeks she has me pegged. I missed one morning dose of meds and doubled up later. I shouldn't have, so she asked me if she could program my phone alarm to remind me of meds. told her I couldn't shut off the alarm and would forget if she showed me. she concluded the conversation by saying the alarm would continue to sound off and id throw the phone in the trash.. pretty smart , that one..
Two elderly ladies were having breakfast together. Suddenly Ethel notices something in Mabel's ear. "Mabel," she asks, "did you know you've got a suppository in your ear?"
"A what?" asks Mabel.
"A suppository...in your left ear!" says Ethel, pointing.
Mabel pulls it out and stares. "Ethel," she says, "I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
Two elderly couples just finished sharing a lovely meal together. The ladies cleared the table and headed for the kitchen, leaving the gents to their cigars and whiskey. Feed turns to Mack and says, "We found a nice new restaurant last night. Great food and the prices were very reasonable."
"Yeah?" says Mac. "What was the name of it?"
Fred thinks for a moment, then says, "What's the name of that flower you give someone you love?"
"You mean a rose?" asks Mack.
"That's the one," replies Fred. Turning toward the kitchen he yells, "Rose! What's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Cute joke, Orangeblossom !!
Hi everyone! I have had the a " flu like cold" for about two weeks now! Can't beat this thing! Well, finally feeling a little better. Just keep coughing ..
Have a great weekend, everyone!!
I got a cute email joke today about a very resourceful Nun - hope you enjoy it!
Subject: Sister Mary - Lipstick in Catholic School
According to a news report, a certain private Catholic school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them; and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally, the principal, Sister Mary, decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, Sister Mary asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers ... and then there are educators!
"My degree of sarcasm depends upon your degree of stupidity."
"Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up so we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted? How's that workin' for ya?"
"Singing along with a song you don't know? Don't worry...the 15 seconds you DO know is coming up,and when it does you're gonna OWN that s**t!"
The last one is so me...I do that all the time!
Happy Friday, guys, hope everyone has a great weekend.
My contribution to Friday Funnies:
Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.
One seventy-five year old woman says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old woman says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The ninety year old woman says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow."
"So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine."
A snapshot of our futures? Lol, just hope we got some nice caregivers. (((HUGS)))
That baby was adorable!! Think Daddy's got a star in the making!
Asssand - Go Pats!