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There have been grown children to have gone to visit their parent(s) during times that their parent(s) didn't know they were coming and found their parent enjoying an activity and chatting/laughing with the other residents. Ah ha, not so miserable as they say :O
When my Dad moved to senior living, one thing I did was cut back on visiting him to once a week for an hour, that way he could become adjusted to where he was now living, and giving him the independence that he really needed without me being under foot.
My Dad could budget for a private caregiver so he brought along the caregiver he had when he still lived at his house. Thus, she took Dad to his doctor appointments, and to get his haircuts. Anything else I did the driving.
I know how tiring taking both parents to doctor appointments, it seemed like it was every other week, anyway it felt that way. Then sitting in the waiting rooms, filling out new forms to which I finally learned to just write across the page "same as last time". For my parents primary doctor, I got back to back appointments. Got to a point where I didn't even want to see my own doctors.... [sigh]. And when driving my parents home and listening to them talk about their appointment, it made me wonder were we all at the same appointment !!!
I sympathize with you. My mother's facility called and said she was getting low on one medication. I got it within 2 days and delivered it. Two days later, they called AGAIN and said she was getting low on another medication!!!!! Couldn't they check all the prescription bottles when the first bottle got low? Aaaahhhhh! (screaming and pulling out hair)
You need to set some BOUNDARIES!!
Get a book on it and learn how to say "no". You have them in a facility so THEY can take care of them, not you. Sit down with the Director of Nurses and have a chat as to what you can be called for and what you think the facility should be able to handle. (For instance, they should be able to separate your folks in different rooms without your intervention.) Make it clear that they are to handle "petty" problems "in house". You can have a standing request to only call for emergencies. As for what constitutes an emergency, get her to spell it out. Some ER visits can be avoided.
Is there anyone else in the family that can do some of what you're doing? If yes, tell them they need to help out and do_______. There's no glory in being a dead saint.
It's actually bad for your health to be so wound up and involved. You need to step back and "just say no" when little things come up. Tell them you will contact your parents by phone and not to have them call you (if that's a problem too.) Sometimes, with your folks, you have to turn off your hearing. (Ignore complaints, etc.)
Demented parents are like little kids. We "make" little kids take naps. We don't give in to their tantrums in the store. We have to "manage" our folks sometimes the same way or (as you are finding out), we will be run ragged.
There is no sense in trying to explain any of this to a dementia sufferer but try to not go there so often. Let this facility learn how to handle them. Visiting twice a week seems plenty.
In the end, you may have to switch them back to the first facility (if this didn't happen so frequently) to get some peace.
How is it that OUR folks escaped the caregiving of THEIR parents but WE are going mad with the constant needs?
Good luck. As the dementia wares on (sometimes) they calm down.
shakingdustoff,
South Florida sounds like the devils chambers for the elderly. Glad the other 49 1/2 states have better facilities.
Dad is much better now that mom is gone, resting and eating well. He’s in memory care now.
There were some sweet demented couples in the same facility who did just fine together but my folks needed space.
I would also recommend pulling back quite a bit. I found that if I hovered around I represented all memories of home, the past, better times. Elders need to learn their way and adjust.
I signed my folks up for the in house doc and med service. At their age with all the medical demands from various docs for appointments and follow ups it was ridiculous. Also used in house pharmacy.
You can’t fix this stuff. Resign yourself to that fact. It’s time to land the helicopter.
I talked to Moms primary about what happen and he said, welcome to the new healthcare system.