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When my dad was dying, I sat with him and a nearly full bottle of morphine and Ativan. I did not know then that my dad had told my mom he wanted to kill himself. I would have done it for him as a last gesture of love.
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swmckeown76 Dec 5, 2023
So sorry you felt that way. And so sorry for your loss. Aiding a suicide is a crime, though, but it's not likely you'd be arrested for it.
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I can’t deny that I pray for my mom’s end of life. She is 90. Year 6 of Lewy Body. Her mental state has deteriorated greatly the past 3 months. She is ready to go, I am ready to let her go. Dementia has made her a shell of who she was just 6 years ago. Her health is good but she has outlived her brain. This is miserable to watch and not a good life for her. Good Luck.
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boatramp Mar 25, 2024
I know what you mean. My husband has had prostate cancer, heart attack,stroke, glaucoma and can’t hear besides Alzheimer’s. Yet he thinks he is fine and wants to do things all day. His mind is gone but he thinks he’s fine. I’m supposed to entertain him ! I have gotten some caregivers but after year 8 I am so tired of it.
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Well done for being able to be honest about a difficult emotional situation!
I couldn’t agree with you more…..
I also have a toxic, negative parent/s and I think at least there will be peace and relief for them after death.
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Shelley72 Jan 20, 2024
Do you take care of them? I don’t think it’s fair we should have to
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I used to pray to God to take my 95 yo parents. They are lingering in a NH no end in sight.

I now started praying to God to take me. I really can no longer handle the stress. It would be a blessing to not have to think about this situation anymore.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 19, 2023
😞. HH, No! We would miss you!

I’m so sorry that you’re so stressed. I do understand how you feel though. I had those same thoughts when I was a caregiver for my mom.

It’s way more stressful than many people realize. Unless you have walked in these shoes, people truly don’t understand how tough it is.

Sending a bazillion hugs your way today!
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My mom prayed for God to take her home to be with my dad. She never anticipated, nor did she even want to live to be in her 90’s with Parkinson’s disease. She died at age 95.

She knew that Parkinson’s disease was progressive, without a cure? Who could blame her for feeling as she did. I certainly didn’t blame her for wanting to leave this earth. It broke my heart to see her suffering.

I wanted her to be free from the emotional and physical pain of Parkinson’s disease. I was relieved when she died because I knew that she was finally at peace.
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Di1961 Jan 27, 2024
Yes!
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I can sure relate to this, and yes, I know this was asked years ago. My mother died in April of last year. She was never a happy person, and after my dad died, she got worse. She stopped doing anything for herself and sat in front of the TV, smoked like a chimney, and ate junk food. She loved that she could order food and smokes to be delivered. Mom was a type 2 diabetic and didn't care, going so far as to say she'd just take more insulin. We tried to get her to see a counselor for years because she was depressed, but she refused. There's only so much you can do...

She finally ended up in a nursing home, which she hated and loved. Hated not being able to smoke and loved that she could just lie in bed and do nothing. She went from using a wheelchair to being bedbound. When we visited, and we live 4 hours away, she paid more attention to the TV than she did to us. I eventually said no more. I made my peace with her and told her I loved her at what ended up being our last visit. I was ready for her to pass and hoped it would be peaceful, painless, and soon.

When she died, I felt nothing at first, and then it was pure relief with some happiness for her because she was back with Dad. She and I had never had a great relationship, so I was glad to be free. I hadn't quite divorced her, but at the end of her life we weren't talking.

Not all mother-daughter relationships are good or even tolerable. And that's OK, even though folks do their best to make us feel bad for not having that apple-pie relationship.
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Pat408 Jan 28, 2024
I feel the same way. My mother has dementia, copd, gi issues, osteoarthritis...since her 20s, diagnosed borderline pd and bipolar. She's never been happy unless adored by a man. Drained my grandparents emotionally & financially. I have no good memories of her. She lives with me and acts like I'm her private nurse & errand boy. Not grateful, ever demanding. Sickly, but strong enough dr said she could live 10+ years. I cannot enjoy life. She said she's never going to a nursing home. I wish there was so light at the end of the tunnel. It's misery.
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I am having a tough time with my dad. He lives in a wonderful AL facility. Lots to do, great friends, activities, etc. All he does is sit and talk about how he doesn’t deserve this! He refuses to go places with us, complains and yells when we visit, etc. I don’t wish for him to die. I wish for him to just be happy. My biggest fear is that I will die (only child living)and my precious adult children will have to deal with him!
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I have felt the same way this week. My mother lost her mind and I just think how much better off she be if she just died. And how much better off I would be because I am watching the person she was die and this person moving around not my mother her mind is gone.
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buffyintexas Feb 20, 2024
well i do feel blessed that my mom did die. she had alzheimer’s for many years. i tried to bring joy when i could. mostly chocolate did the trick but they are still in there. i felt like mom was trapped in her own brain. so i have not been sad much for her passing but glad for her 🕊
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I feel like you do.
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I think it’s totally normal to think this. My mom wakes up crying wishing she was dead. Depressive, paranoid then aggressive. She’s 90. Her sisters passed at 97, 95 and 92 with dementia. I’m dreading I’ll be in this situation with her for 7 more years. She’s physically strong, only issue other than dementia is high blood pressure. She’s 4ft 11 and 104lbs. When she becomes aggressive she gets full of adrenaline and does a good job attempting to beat the daylights out of me. One of her sisters that is still living and also has dementia, attacked her husband. She was arrested!
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Di1961 Feb 18, 2024
😩❤️‍🩹😥. I’m dreading my mom & I will be going through this for years. She will be 85.
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This is a perfectly normal feeling.Who in their right mind likes to watch such suffering especially a family member?
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I have felt this way all week as I care for my Mother who has yet another UTI. She seems to be gradually getting worse, losing more mobility each day, and I'm afraid she's going to be bedfast soon and I don't know what to do. I hate to see her miserable and suffering.
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I forgot to mention that she is not interested in getting home health care at all and don't even mention skilled nursing, so I have some challenges ahead of me....
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I prayed every day for a year that my MIL could be taken 'home'.

A YEAR.

And I felt no guilt nor anything like unto it. She was miserable and making everyone around her miserable. Now she's gone and slowly--so slowly, I see my DH coming out of HIS year long depressive funk---b/c he was roped (though FOG) to help care for this woman.

She's out of that sick body and her mind is at rest. Now for the people she damaged in life to find some similar kind of peace.
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Onthehill Mar 17, 2024
Totally get what you’re saying. I’ve been using Neville Goddards “technique”. He talks about praying as if you have already received by creating a scene in your imagination that implies the wish or prayer is fulfilled. You don’t think of what you want, you think from it. I imagine myself sitting in the grass next to her grave marker. It currently has my dads name and date of birth and death. I look down and see my moms name and date of birth…then in my minds eye I see 2024 added under her name as the year of death. This technique has worked for so many other things.
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I hear you Mid. I pray every night for mine to be released from their broken bodies too. Something has to give in my neck of the woods. I cannot stand watching this anymore.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 8, 2024
I think everyone wants a peaceful death for themselves and their families. Personally, I want the strongest meds available to me provided by hospice!
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I read this on another thread:

“My Mother is so inconsiderate of everyone. She has always been a very caring, warm person. In the past 2 years I don't even recognize her. She says hurtful things, argumentative, and demanding. I feel sad that after having a wonderful , warm relationship all our lives, now I don't even want to spend time with her, but I do.”

My mom just died 6 days ago, and the above is exactly how I felt. I did want her suffering to end, her feeling of not being able to breathe and the fear that went with it. Also, the extreme difficulty of toileting and the anxiety and embarrassment it caused her. Also, aches and pains and the start of a pressure sore.

But if I’m honest, “I” wanted my life back. My husband, my children, my aging/sick dog, my health, my house and my job all were on the back burner. Every waking hour, even when I wasn’t there, was consumed with her. I would even wake up in the night thinking I was there, with a frantic thought like ”did I turn her oxygen back down!”

It would have been ok in the shorter term, but after the 6 month mark came and went it was too much. This being after about 4 years of caring for her from 10 miles away, as she got worse and worse. Someone on here also asked, was it right to save someone’s life? We did that a couple times, too. Only to become her bedside nurse, as she was bed bound the last 6+ months.

If she had lived another month she would have ended up in a care facility. She would have fought it, hated it and been furious at me. So if I’m brutally honest, yes, I did want her to die, which is hard to admit.

Tomorrow is her funeral, and my pastor will give a lovely eulogy and pay tribute to the loving, caring person she once was. It won’t be mentioned that she installed the buttons to press to invoke the FOG. Everyone will tell me what a wonderful daughter I am. I’m dreading it like the plague. I’m just going to steel myself and say thank you and think of all you supportive people who truly understand these complex emotions. I appreciate you all very much.
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overwhelmed21 Mar 8, 2024
Lily,
This is so heartfelt. You have spoken for so many of us. My sincere condolences for your loss. No regrets!! ❤️❤️
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Thinking about a couple of posts about funerals, I think there is a lot going for cremation – more than not taking up far too much land for cemeteries, and upsetting people when very old graves get pushed aside to make room for the new dead.

The funeral service can be much the same for burial and cremation. For burial it’s normally in a church, with all the fixed religious rhetoric, plus the mental stuff for people who don’t go along with the religious assumptions (like rising from the dead and meeting mom and dad). Then for burial, you all move to stand around a hole in the ground, everyone gets emotional, then you listen to the clods of earth plonking on the coffin, and wonder how long the coffin will keep the rot and worms out. It wrings every last misery out of the experience.

For cremation, the coffin sinks down on a lift, collecting the ashes takes place later without ceremony, and the family decides what to do with them, when. I’ve never favored keeping them on the mantelpiece, I prefer scattering in the sea or a river, but there are lots of options. You choose who will be present, invitations are rarely provided to 70 year-old ex-spouses who turn up dressed like teenagers, and you play it however you want.

Let’s hear it for cremation!
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 8, 2024
I definitely want to be cremated!
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I am so hearing you re this subject. I too have a miserable/challenging mother who sadly is a burden. I long to do a runner from being her carer and sounding board, but don't bcoz I don't want to leave the burden of it all to my sis. Yup it's tough and I feel for you. I now see her much less and if she's in a particularly foul mood I make excuses to leave. I'm starting to loathe her tbh and sometimes dream of shoving a pillow over her head, oops, did I just say that 😬😆. Feeling for you and sending you virtual hugs and strength
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 22, 2024
Love your screen name. So appropriate for a caregiver that is frustrated and exhausted!
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I completely understand and I have the same feelings...if an elderly person is so miserable in themselves and there is no quality of life then I do not see the point in that person living.
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I am already grieving for my parents. Both are incapacitated. They have so many health issues while in their 80's. The multiple hospital trips and procedures are very hard on them. I personally hope they die in their sleep. I know it sounds cold, but why should they have to go through so much sickness before it's their time to pass? I love my parents so much, but enough is enough. I just continue to wait and wait until I get the call.
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LauraL271 Mar 30, 2024
Onlychild2024, I understand how you feel. When they have so many health issues, it is a terrible ordeal for them and also for you. You have my sympathy.

I have already grieved for my parents too. Very sad that my dad is completely out of it as he has dementia and his yoyo wife keeps getting him treated for every little thing; he would be better off if she would let him pass on.

Very sad, too, that my mom has become so mentally ill that she has been nothing but hateful and abusive to me for the past 7 - 10 years. And makes up all sorts of things and has turned most of my cousins against me. She also gets every little thing treated even though she told me last year that she wasn't enjoying life.

I long for them to be gone. People live way too long these days.
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My mother is 75, has inflammatory breast cancer (very rare) since 2016 and tbh it's been hell. She has severe lymphedena in left arm lending it useless.She is living with me now as she can no longer live alone. Is now on hospice and of course that means all tx have been stopped as there was negligible improvement with them. She's comfortable in her surroundings but is miserable as the cancer has metastasized to her skin with a vengeance. She has dressings everywhere due to the tumors, drainage etc. Its heartbreaking for me as mom has always always been the strong one. The go to my rock and best friend. I long for her to pass in her sleep for both of us. Wrong? I don't think so. I think it's normal for children to want their parents not to suffer. God bless. Prayers
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Shayshay318 Apr 9, 2024
I am sorry to hear about your mother, my mom had lymphedema that was not caused by Breast Cancer, it was genetic I think, and I am showing signs of it :( I don't think its wrong at all... there are two reasons you want your parent to die: because they are suffering and you don't want them to suffer anymore or 2- because they are toxic and miserable. Your mom is because you don't want her suffering. I hope she will transition peacefully soon and be out of pain.
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I suppose I will put my two cents in here. I think it is less about them wanting to die and more about wanting them to be out of pain. I think a lot of people fail to recognize when we have a ill loved one we are in anticipatory grief. When we know an LO is sick, we are living in pre-grief limbo. I have had this going on with Mark for about two years now and a therapist helped me recognize why it's driving my depression so hard. I could give other examples that are not human related, I have known a couple times that my dogs were getting old and ill and that they had very little time, so I was in pre-grief. I recognized many signs in Polly I had recognized in Mija and Polly died right before Mark went into the hospital this last time.

We just want to do what we really have no power to, make the pain stop, make the illness stop and see the person return to some type of health. I know I had a dream the other night that Mark had both of his legs and was walking. He had a leg amputated, so he'll never have his natural legs, but that is my mind trying to tell me what I really want is for there to be the normal I used to know versus the reality.
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I haven’t read the other responses, but no, I don’t think that it is. It is your human spirit yearning for liberation from an untenable situation.
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Pour is 12 years old
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Rumbletown Apr 7, 2024
I think the topic is timeless, however, and hard for people to ask about fresh. I’m OK with it going on, personally.
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I don't think it is.. Depending on the person, I mean if the person (your mother) is a terrible person then I dont see why that would be an issue that you wished she was dead. I truly wish my father was dead too. I hope he dies soon because he is a terrible human being. Thing is, even though he is overweight and smokes like a chimney he has perfect health! I am just saying you are not a bad person because you think life would be better without a negative toxic person. I hope things get better and you get some relief soon from your mother.
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LaGorda58 Jun 5, 2024
Amen
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First of all, I'm really touched by your beautiful words.

I once asked myself that same question. My uncle, who I had a really good relationship with ended up in the hospital with so much pain. He had to stay there for multiple months before he sadly passed away. He was in so much pain every day, so I asked myself the question if I needed to hope he died so all of it could end for him. But I loved him to much to start hoping for it. Had a rally hard time after he died, but luckily I had an amazing organisation https://bakx-uitvaartzorg.nl/ who helped me with te best funeral I could've asked for. So after a few months I could move on knowing he had a beautiful 'goodbye'
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I understand. I have similar thoughts daily. And then I feel guilty. I’ve been caring for my mother for 20 years. It has always been difficult because she is a narcissist.
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Ihatecaregiving Jun 3, 2024
20 years!!!!!! OMG. I feel bad complaining that I've been doing it for 5 years. I'm so sorry. I'm praying that this ends soon for you and me.
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I think “wanting her to die is a message that you’re exhausted and want to get on with your own life. You don’t want to go down with the ship, Who would? And that’s completely understandable. My father died from Alzheimer’s and people wondered why we weren’t crying more over him. The reality was we’d been crying for years. Rivers were overflowing with our tears. We were so relieved that our lives were no longer being bossed around by AD. And we were so horribly saddened when he died. So yes, it’s okay to express your feelings and grief. You’re being authentic. Take good care and be well.
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Cheeky79 Apr 28, 2024
I feel the same way. My husband has been battling Alzheimer's for the past
5 years. I have been his sole caregiver
and within a year he has gotten much worse. He has been losing weight rapidly even though he eats 3 meals a day and now is just totally confused about everything. I am so exhausted and I feel the same way. There is no
quality of life for him or me. Its just
watching your loved one waste away.
So I know how people feel when they
wish for them not to be on this earth
anymore. I just don't get it. That is when
I question everything in life. Wishing all
the moms a happy mothers day.
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My mother has been a wonderful mother, and yet I pray daily that she will die peacefully in her sleep before she reaches the later stages of dementia. I do feel guilty about it, yet I would pray the same thing for myself and would want others to pray for me if I were in her situation.
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Anxietynacy May 2, 2024
Beautifully said
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My husband and I prepaid our cremation expenses 25 years ago, but I may look into the parting stones thing. I agree--much easier to toss a stone into the ocean or nearby waterway. Totally eliminates "blowback".

OMG, indeed, about obesity and the too-small crematorium doors. Prompts me to think of a variation to the old schoolyard rhyme: "Person, person 2 x 4--can't fit through that final door!" Gallows humor!?
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sp196902 May 2, 2024
They have to cut up the body if it is too big for cremation.
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