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If she was young and involved with the friends life, love and understanding is in order. Offer her assistance, a chance to talk about her life and future loss, urge her to attend a grievance group, maybe at her church ot community center.
If her mother had been sick for a long time and suffered a lot, then death is a blessing and should be accepted as that, grieving is still in order, however acceptance is much easier. Get her to talk about her mother and be a good listener.
The other thing I would have loved is what I've found primarily on here...a chance to share what it was like, to talk about it (endlessly). The hospice had a grief support group but I never really got to debrief, and the chaplain who encouraged me to e-mail him my story/journal either never read it or never responded. The other thing that meant A LOT to me was the people coming up with remembrances and photos of my parents that I did not have and sharing those.
Darbaby its true, the world expects you to get over it and get back to work and business as usual. And you hate to beg for more support, but you know what, if anyone ever asked me to join them for a cup of coffee and said "would you mind if we talked about my loved one and me", I'd say "sure - Guillermo's or Muggs, and what days this week are good for you?" It happens a lot, sadly, that people who grieve differently end up being mad at each other instead of being able to be there for each other. Guys and gals, one generation to the next, everyone has their own norms and ways about it all that should not have to get in the way if they are not misinterpreted.
When my mom was alive she told me NOT to go to funerals. She wanted me to always be happy and not be exposed to all that sadness. Her idea was that life was for living and get on with it. I was probably a TERRIBLE friend to those I knew who lost someone, because of her influence.
Then when she passed away, I learned that it was a very difficult time for me. As you all mentioned, there is a lot of responsibility that goes on. Also, I think it is more about the friendships than about anything else.
You have all given me some very good ideas. In this case, the mom was quite popular in town. She was a teacher and everyone seemed to know her. So there are lots and lots of stories and memories and messages being sent. I knew her daughter and don't really remember mom, so when I wrote this question I was at a loss as to what to say. I even drew a blank as to what people said to me. I panicked.
I will try to reach out in the weeks and months to come to be a good friend. Thanks again for your very good suggestions. This has been very, very helpful.
If they are good-enough friends where you can offer actions, instead, that is easier than words. If you can offer to baby-sit while they make funeral arrangements or can think of anything you can personally do that would be helpful, offer that but be clear that you're not trying to push that offer onto them, either.