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Whose idea was this, what discussions took place beforehand, and what are your mother's care needs?
Since your mom is now with you, she should be contributing to the household. That money can be used to buy additional services to help her. How about house cleaning? There isn't a woman I know that wouldn't gladly give up that job. (Imagine your wife's delight) . Does Mom need help showering, etc? Bring in a home health aide a few times a week to do that task. Who is accompanying your mom to medical appointments? Have you taken a turn? Caregiving is a LOT of WORK. Depending upon what help Mom needs, your wife may just be exhausted and need some help. Let us know more about the situation.
Also don't neglect your spouse or marriage for your mom. We are not guaranteed that our spouses will out live our elderly parents, or even live another day. As I care for my mom I try to make sure I don't totally ignore my husband. We are not promised another day. I don't want to ignore him because of what I'm going through as caregiver. He could be gone in an instant. It's very easy to let the urgency of caregiving cause you to neglect your life.
relationship with my in-laws and I felt used and unappreciated. Could this be what's going on with you? I highly resented having my personal space invaded by Sis. She rifled through my things and took what she wanted. My husband never expressed appreciation for my care of his sister, which included bathing her and helping her dress. Resentment ran rampant! When my children and grandchildren came along and we moved to a smaller home, I put. my foot down and said enough. Talk calmly and kindly to your wife and listen to her feelings about Mom. Your first obligation is to her and your marriage. Discuss options for other placement for Mom. Good luck!
It isn't easy caregiving and it takes more time than many are prepared to give.
Are you taking on 50%+ to take care of your mother? Or are you expecting your wife to do it all??
Since being on this site, I find that when the husbands bring a parent to live in their home, they either feel or let the wife do for her in-law. Have you down this? It seems like our society still thinks caregiving is the womans job. Or, is it the opposite, you are spending all your time with Mom? Do Mom and wife get along?
You and ur wife maybe need to sit down and find out how she feels. If Mom has the money, consider an Assisted or independent living place for Mom. If that can't be done than maybe Daycare or hiring someone to sit with her while you go out. Mom must have Social Security that you can use for this.
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