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May the New Year bring peace and love to everyone!
A good friend of mine has sat with her a few hours once a week while I go to grocery store and do other errands.
I've made arrangements through Senior Resource Center for a care/sitter 2 times a week starting in January. She's a handful for sure in the evenings and night (sundowning) and first thing in the mornings.
Learning to deal with that too.
Something else I'm doing is teaching her if she doesn't get up and get something herself-then she doesn't get it. Breakfast is a courtesy on my part, after that just because I'm up and about and pass by her-she still has to 'get up and do it herself
Or do without. She usually does without. She told me I'm trying to aggravate her. Ha. Oh well.
It is a work in progress for sure.
But, this is where we are.
Should something happen, fall, uti, dehydration, etc I will have to start all over with skilled nursing or assisted living or whatever.
I have realized and discovered a whole hella lot since this go around and am more prepared for the $$ side of things.
Meanwhile, I'm protecting my assets.
She wants me to put her car in my name, and my insurance and I already have a car.
She doesn't get the part about Medicaid spend down, or look back if needed in the future.
I just can't see attaching my signature and finances and liability to her wagon load of issues.
I'm navigating things best I can. Mom doesn't think anything is wrong with her faculties and hasn't for a while.
Most of my advocating for her has been for naught because this is the way she is. I've been promoting fake independence for her for a while.
Im glad you are taking care of things for your future care. I will keep good thoughts for you. (((Hugss)))
I still have to see about Medicaid and the paying out of pocket (money she doesn't have).
I'm her DPOA.. I will sell down her assets as best I can, even though technically she doesn't have any.
I'm going to visit her in the hospital today but I'm not going to be at her beck and call from now on.
She acts like she's giving me permission to 'go home and rest'.
Thank you on here for just being here all of these years. For some of us this forum is our only lifeline.
*their not there.
Meant to say I had already moved Mom in there. Just too much happened all at once.
This same place was...bad.
The stress of all of there bs and lies had me talking to the umbudsman.
We have a lawyer working on my dear brothers estate and Mom had moved in there. Lots needed to be done and she wasn't able to live alone.
I know full well to never let them move in but. I couldn't handle all of it going down at the same time.
I learned lessons from this.
Not saying she won't run me ragged. I have no illusions that is going to be easy.
She will have in home ot, pt and speech. After that we both need to heal.
Thank you for the great advice though.
Im sure I'll still read the forum because. So many in the same boat. 👩🦳and 🧑🦳
Medicaid, have you told the NH what Moms finances are. If not, no way for them to know if she qualifies or not. What determines if she qualifies, in the end, is her monthly income of Social Security and any pension she receives. If under the income cap set by Medicaid, then she will qualify. If over, you see an Elder Lawyer about a Qualifying Income Medicaid Trust. If she has more in assets then the asset amount allowed then you spend it down. And that can be done by paying for her LTC privately. For me it was starting the Medicaid application in April. Mom placed in LTC May 1st and privately paying May and June. June proving she was spent down and all info needed provided. July 1st Medicaid began. All the asset my Mom had was her home and thats exempt. I used no NH or lawyer for the application. Just me and the Medicaid caseworker. My State only allows 90 days for spending down, getting them info needed and finding a place. So you don't apply too early if there is money to pay privately.
Since your brother died intestate, I think I would use a lawyer. I had already had done the list of things probate gave me. My problem was the house was left to my brother and he did not want it. So I had to hire a lawyer to put it back in the estate. He then helped in the closing of the house and the final audit of the estate. Because your brother had no Will, the State determines who inherits. For this reason, I would get a lawyer.
You say she is being discharged in three days. You say she will be in long term care in a few days. So I fail to see how this will not work. As to coverage, if she has too many assets she will have to spend those down, and then Medicaid can be applied for. The good news there is that the Nursing Home can help you to apply for that in most circumstances.
You say you are POA here, but are busy dealing with an estate without a will. For that you will need a probate attorney. Lean on one and let them do the work and take the money for it. If there IS no money there is honestly no estate.
If you feel you are not qualified either to act as the administrator or executor of an estate OR as the POA to Mom you need to see an attorney and resign this duty, leaving it to the state for guardianship in the case of Mom and for administration of estate in the case of brother.
You have had a tremendous amount of loss. Now Mom has broken ribs and that's a while lot of pain AND loss for her going into care. Your anxiety level must be off the charts. Get all the help you can here, and if you are unable to do this, see an attorney (Mom's POA pays for this--this is covered by her funds for your POA) and resign this duty. No one has to serve in a capacity they feel they cannot handle. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother and your Mom's pain. And for all you are going through.