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Reality interjects into the fantasy world we've built up in our minds and creates guilt where there shouldn't be any. If we were to be honest with ourselves from the get-go, there would be no guilt, only the admittance of imperfection and the need for help. In reality, it took several shifts of caregivers working 24/7 to accomplish the task of caring for my wheelchair bound mother who had dementia and a host of other health issues too numerous to mention. Why WOULD I have thought I was capable of doing that job myself? That's the real question.
Guilt assumes that you are an evil doer, a felon who wishes harm to others. That you could change this if you chose to.
Grief understands that this is no doing of yours, that you only want the best for the person you love, and that you are powerless to work a magical "fix it" on things.
Words matter. Use the right one. You are grieving, and all the losses of aging are well worth the grieving. Allow yourself the grief, but you are not to blame, so let the guilt word go.
I wish you the best and am so sorry for your pain.
Thank you for this! You just touched my heart in a way no one else has been able to. You are so very right! I know I too feel such guilt and I'm aware I'm experiencing anticipatory grief but never put the 2 together until now. So many times over the past couple of years I've had others tell me I have no reason to feel guilty, I've tried to get it through my head myself... But it's not guilt, it's grief. The light has come on and I am so very grateful to have read this post and your response. I believe you have helped many of us with this answer. I am grateful, thank you 💓
But I can tell you that at the end of the day, I come home to a place where I can rest and be there for myself…bc you can’t be there for her if you are spent! My mom’s been in a home for two years now, just turned 90. None of her 7 kids could deal with her; she did not manage her money well (gambling addiction) and would not listen to reason. She wandered off once to the bank and caused a scene. She fell and broke her hip. She got lost driving. And that was a couple of months before being placed in MC. I know she is at the end on her life and I know I did the best I could for her while she was alive. I also got myself into counseling to deal with “family Olympics”
🙏🏽 For you. 🥰
Reality acceptance dictates that life is about change, nothing in life remains constant.
Do what is best for both you and your mother, the time has come to accept the reality of the situation, embrace it.
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