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Your mother in law sounds like how my husband’s grandma was. She was a very selfish woman who thought the whole world revolved around her. Everyone had to set boundaries with her or she would have driven us nuts!
I really feel for you all. Even though my Dad could be a royal pain, he loved his kids. My Mom was a good one. So much so our friends hung around the house all the time. She catered to them and treated them like her own. Meaning she hollered at them too.
I think my MIL would have been a problem. She chose to move to Fla at the age of 68. My FIL just getting over chemo for Lung cancer and her a replacement valve. He lived 3 yrs, she passed 20 yrs later. When my DH retired almost every phone call was "move here". Last place I wanted to live. I had my girls, a gson and a mother getting up in age. No siblings near by. I was not moving. I can imagine what it would have been like. Her constantly asking DH for something. And he would have done it. He is not a boundary person. Unless, he has committed to something else, then its no. Since he never even considered her request, don't think he wanted to go either. When she got me on the phone one day, she asked me to move there. I said I had Mom. She said move her here, I said, Mom has her friends, Church and activities. MIL said "we all have to compromise". My Mil never compromised. She was passive-aggressive. Always got her way except from DILs.
I used to pick Dad up and bring him to our house EVERY xmas day. 30 mins or so each way.
I didn't mind so much. It did irritate me a little when he used to say "Well you don't want to drink anyway do you?". (I dont drink much but it would be nice to have a choice!).
Then he started demanding I pick him up at a certain (early) time. I'd say, I'll be over when the kids have opened their presents (my youngest was 3/4 years old) and he didnt like it. Told me I should leave them because there'd be "other xmases for that".
Then he started to fake illness. He'd make sure my family knew how ill he was. It was hilarious. He'd pretend he couldn't see, couldn't walk all sorts.
Then he was rude to my family and my wife. And he knew it. His attitude was if I want to say something I will (Umm not to upset my family when I've invited you over).
In the end, I made excuses for xmas day and said wife was working (shes a nurse). He went to my brothers instead (lives a mile away no kids). I stay out of it now.
Apparently, he kicked off last year because brother had arranged to go to the pub for an hour to meet Dad. Invited Dad but Dad had an issue that he wanted to do what he wanted to do. and going to the pub was not on his list of plans. Thats Dad for you to a T.