By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I think the short answer to your question of "who supports the caregiver?" is whomever the caregiver can find:
Online support group...a therapist...friends...your pastor...your local aging resource center...respite care...hired caregivers...facility care...your own healthcare providers, etc...
Bottom line, it is up to us caregivers to care for ourselves, and that includes finding our own support systems.
None of them were willing or able to step up when my sister was in "early dementia crisis". So, I did.
I thought it would be okay, believing her family would at least visit her regularly, continue to be her social/family support.
This is how it worked when I was my mother's care giver a few years ago...my other 3 sisters were very faithful in each spending a morning and sharing lunch with mom every week. It made me feel I was not alone, eventhough I was the only hands-on caregiver. Us sister's shared a mutual love and dedication to our mother, each in our own way.
My experience as caregiver for my sister is entirely different. The first year, her kids and some grandkids did make efforts to visit somewhat regularly.
This past year (year #2), totally different.
Rarely even a phone call from her sons, just Mother's Day, and Christmas.
She has one son (her youngest one) who does take her out to eat every Friday, and to his house Sunday afternoons. The rest of the time ... I am it - the center of my sister's universe.
It is beyond my comprehension why they show so little concern for their mother, or for me - their aunty. I know better than to expect that now, but it makes me feel quite sad, for my sister especially, but it does baffle me.
I don’t mean to sound rude or unsupportive. I’m just saying that I don’t see a problem with what the siblings are doing.
Did you and your husband choose this with unrealistic expectations? Did you think it would be easier than it is? I’m honestly curious.
I do think you and your DH must be kind, empathetic souls because you chose to give yourselves up to the cause. Not everyone is capable of doing that.
When you choose to be a caregiver to an elderly person, you are choosing to give your entire life and self up. That is what caregiving is.
That is also why many people can’t/won’t do it. They choose self-preservation and their families over caregiving. It’s not right or wrong. It’s just a different choice based on many considerations.
Whatever their individual reasoning may be, it is theirs and you are very unlikely to change others to do as you feel they should.
Now you are left with your own tough decisions about how long you are able to be 24/7 caregivers. I am so very sorry. You are not alone in this tough decision-making. I wish you the very best of luck.
Parents’ conditions will worsen. You and husband will become more exhausted. The situation will wear on your marriage and health. This is the way it goes - always. There is no other playlist and no other outcome. It happens over and over again, partly because caregivers are not well enough informed. But now you are.
Please take steps for parents to get full time professional care where they can make new friends, enjoy life and be safe. Do it soon.
A cousin of mine was in this position - her mom wanted to stay at home (out of stubborness and the other siblings agreed they would honor the moms wishes, but part of it was they did not want to see the moms estate eroded away in AL costs
So the four siblings decided they would chip in to allow the mom to stay at home>
Of course as is often the case, it falls to ONE sibling. This one cousin of mine and her husband are very wealthy and I think the others think she has the time to do it
Finally, she had had enough .She put out an email to all of them saying we agreed we would chip in to avoid Assisted Living. You all have not chipped in with work . If that doesnt change, I am going to insist we move mom to an assisted living facility.
That caused the siblings to move quicker. The one cousin still does the most work, but these days gets a lot more help as they have devised a schedule of who comes on what day of the week.
Respite supports the Caregiver. You will have to look into respite care.
It may be covered by medicare insurance if you are short on funds for respite.
If they bring them fast food hamburgers, don't expect anything from them.
Look into respite and get as much as you can.