By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
The apartment has shopping services, transportation, etc. So I'm off the hook on the tedious stuff.
Resign your POAs and give her information about some places where she might like to live. Let her family help her to go forward.
Sometimes these sweet little old ladies can suck the life out of the people they expect to help them. And she’s not even sweet, so why deal with her? Please extricate yourself before it gets worse.
As others have pointed out, you aren’t responsible for your exMIL. However, the guy who would take care of an exMIL is not one who will feel comfortable not knowing that he has at least tried to make others aware that she may be vulnerable.
There is a area agency on aging in every county in the US.
Below is a Vermont help line.
Give this number to your exMIL and tell her she needs to contact them for for any services she is eligible for. You might also contact them and make sure they have her in their data base.
Senior HelpLine - (800-642-5119) - The Senior HelpLine is an information and assistance resource for people age 60 and older. Staffed by knowledgeable professionals at Vermont's Area Agencies on Aging, the Senior HelpLine can answer questions and help identify resources to assist people to age successfully.
I would also make a list of everything you do for MIL and give her a copy of it. It might help her realize what she needs to ask for when she speaks with her children or any agency.
You have been wonderful to help her but really she needs to manage this herself. It gives seniors a false sense of independence when someone is taking care of all the things you have been doing.
I would also let your adult kids (her grands?) know that they need to tell their mother and her family that GM might need help. If she doesn’t have a Relationship with her children, this might help.
You can also call Adult Protective Services or the police and ask that they do a wellness check if you are concerned she won’t have food or other necessary items.
Maybe you are a kind soul who saw need, so stepped in to help? Maybe you did a small job & it became a pattern, then mushroomed onto more. Maybe you enjoy ex-MIL's company? Maybe ex-MIL has taken advantage of your free labour & so never found an alternative Mr Fixit.
Why would she when you are right there?
The responsibility for ex-MIL's lawns, groceries & maintenance lays with HER.
Unwind your arrangement.
- Tell ex-MIL you are winding back the chores you do. Be honest - You have other growing commitments.
- Offer to help find a phone number for a local home service to help her.
- Give 2 weeks notice.
You can still be part of her life in a social way. Pop in from time to time for a cuppa if that's what you DO want to do.
I feel that the honerable thing to do. Tell her plain. Don't just stop turning up. Also don't waste time trying on wishing her kids/grands would step up. They have nothing to do with you. That is up to them entirely.
Certainly don't wait for ex-MIL to change your arrangement. It has to come from you.
Good luck.
84 isn't exactly "late 80's." Regardless, this never should have been your circus and your monkey.
Her kids "shut down" when you try to discuss? Then don't discuss -- tell them. And since I don't see dementia listed in your description above, tell her, too.
I would then inform her children in writing that you are retiring and that you've left her with people to call. You don't need to wait for any response or reaction from them. Emailing would be best if you give your final date. Make sure they know to NOT contact you for any reason regarding her care.
After that, let each bordering neighbor know that they may need to call APS if things start looking bad again and to not "prop her up by helping". Maybe even inform the police that she is an elderr who lives alone. Some small towns are good about this.
Kudos to you for being such a wonderful ex! Hopefully one day she'll appreciate all you've one for her.
I called my ex and told her the new address. Told her she could let her brothers and sisters know where she was moving. They will only be interested in her money and the proceeds from selling her house.
Now on to deal with my own mother and her problem. She wants a divorce. Glad she has come to her senses.
I'm taking the weekend off and going skiing with two of my sons.
You've been doing these things because you're kind. I'm glad you didn't stop.
See All Answers