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If your parents can't afford their own care then they may need to sell their house and apply for Medicaid. Again, period, end of conversation.
I will never understand why parents would ever expect their children to support them financially. That is just so unfair. Period, end of conversation.
If their needs have changed - they must make changes.
To expect others to pay for their expenses is entitled.
The next task of life is before them: adjusting to old age & possibly downsizing.
Wanting to avoid all changes is futile. Wanting their kids to prevent old age is useless & just prolongs believing in magical thinking. Let reality happen.
Buy gifts when you like for birthdays, holidays etc but let them sort out their own living arrangements.
1) Parents have an income from Mother and also from a reverse mortgage. Why can’t they cover their own expenses? They have a ‘nice’ house in an expensive area – is it bigger than they should be affording?
2) $1000 a month will cover just over 10 hours a week of caregiver time at average rates. That’s not much care. What are Father’s care needs, and how do those hours meet them?
3) Care needs normally increase. Will the $1000 creep up? How far? Who gets asked next? What are the plans for the future?
You will of course make your own decisions. For myself, I wouldn’t enter into this without a full understanding of their finances and their future plans. I’d also talk it through with the step-siblings. If they pay now, you will find it difficult to knock back the next request. I’m careful with our own money, and I would be asking the same questions about this as I would if DH and I took on any long term obligation. If parents don’t want to give details, they should sort things out themselves. And yes, it’s their responsibility, not the responsibility of any of the offspring.
I agree with another poster that if they have a home, they should look into doing a reverse mortgage.
I wouldn't recommend just giving money. Make them show and prove why they can't make it on his retirement and her wages. They don't get to live anyway they choose at someone else's expense, doesn't matter that they are your parent. I would demand that one of you has full control of all finances, including her wages, if any of you need to prop up the situation. You will be surprised how things change when responsibility and accountability is demanded with no exceptions.
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