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She will need to provide some bank statements as part of the application to show her low income. So whatever you do with dads funding, do NOT deposit it into moms bank account. You don't want to face " income ?" from medicaid say in 2019. You need to pay for the apt from its own bank checking account....talk with your dad as to how to do this...maybe you open a nice & new checking account that he puts $ into at a banking group that works for the two of you. He could do a more formal special needs trust but it sounds like he prefers this to be off the radar so as simple as possible. You & mom are fortunate even if she can't move past the past.
MBFoster, since your Dad is doing so well financially, was your Mom so bitter that she didn't want anything from him? If yes, then that was her choice to do that, and she has to live with that choice. Now you are able to help her out, and as I had mentioned before, make it sound like Dad is helping you.
I speak from being divorced myself, and I didn't turn down anything my ex was offering at the divorce or afterwards financially. He knew that I had to uproot my career every time we moved, thus he was the one who gained the most financially during our marriage.
if he chooses to gift some money to you it can always be used for other things that would make your Mom's life easier. You could save it up for her eventual care if she needs it
Good Luck.
Play it by ear. But for goodness' sake don't tell her any lies or she won't trust you either.
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