By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
As soon as they were settled in AL (never really settled) I stated cleaning out their falling down house and put it up for sale. It sold in a couple weeks and this money paid the huge expenses of elder care for the next four years.
I never discussed ANYTHING about the house sale with them. Left up to them, my mom at that point as dad hardly remembered his house, she would never have agreed to selling the house having the delusion that she was going home some day. She was a two person assist level at the point.
I sold the house “As Is”. It was a mess and getting worse. It was three states away from me and I was not going to spend tons of money and making that long drive trying to get it fixed up.
You will, as you said, manage this carefully documenting all actions taken. If it somehow ever comes up you will simply say "we had a few leaks and I have fixed them. I did a good job and got a great price just like you taught me, Dad".
When my brother made me POA and Trustee he remained competent enough to know where his money was, where he wanted it and why, how much he wished to give to a charity, what he wanted sold, what CD he wanted where and who was to be beneficiary on said CD. Because he was competent, I managed everything as he wished and gave him a monthly sheet explaining everything for that month, every penny in and every penny out.
He got so that finally he would just take it, clip it into his loose-leaf binder, and be satisfied; he was happy to be rid of all the responsibility once he knew I would share everything with him. He, his mentation, his hallucinations all IMPROVED with the lack of worry.
My bro had Lewy's Dementia. If he ever slid into the place where he was no longer competent, was wrong or was worried or was giving bad advice, I would have acted for him AS THE DOCUMENT SAID I HAD POWER TO DO. I would have protected his funds, and HIM from worry.
So I am saying your document explains your powers. You are doing your best. Do what you think is best.
Dee died before he lost his faculties completely. He got sepsis from a small wound on his shin and it killed him. He would have been so glad of that; he so wanted to beat Lewy to the grave. So I never had to face this. But I was ready to use MY BEST JUDGEMENT. You have proven yourself quite capable.
Make your decision and on you go.
What would be the purpose of discussing with dad?
You listed good reasons NOT to involve him.
You have the authority, right?
If you are concerned about having the authority, I would contact the attorney.
Do know that water damage is the worst and should be dealt with ASAP to prevent even more damage.
When we moved my mother from NC to FL into AL, we handled everything she was not able to or interested for that matter. We cleaned out her house and sold it.
There were many repairs that we had to do before putting up for sale.
If he asks I would tell him, if not, I wouldn't. Why start trouble?
"Personally I would rather get the roof and floors fixed myself using his funds with careful documentation (and then with respect to soon selling it, I hope), without his getting involved or even knowing about it , and wanting to micro manage it. But, in good faith, am I obligated to tell him about the issues ?"
But you started with:
"...just now realizing that he is incompetent for decision making."
People with dementia can no longer process logic and reason, do simple problem solving, manage stress, etc. Nothing productive will come of telling him. Just repair the leak because this is in his best interest to do so and that's the job of the PoA.
Plus, you said he's a narcissist. Therefore you know full well how he'd react if you told him, even if he didn't have dementia.
You already know what will happen if you involve him in any of the decisions you have to make concerning the house or anything else. His involvement will be a burden and an unnecessary obstacle to getting the things done you need to get done as POA.
I would not even show him receipts or any record of what you're spending. You don't have to do that either. As the POA you are responsible for aking his legal/medical decisions, paying his bills, and making sure that his day to day common needs are met. You are not obligated to explain every cent or show him records of anything.
The only time you have to show receipts, records, or anything else is his estate will be probated at some point and you have a claim to collect on. Or you are mismanaging his assets and not checking that his day to day needs are being met. In other words, someone suspects you of elder abuse then you answer to the court.
You are managing your father's life and his needs as best you can because you're a good son. Don't make things harder than they have to be by trying to explain every cent you spend and every decision you make to your father with dementia.
See All Answers