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I wasn't dealing with a SO rather both parents and the sibs and their offspring didn't visit Dad for the last 18 months of his life nor call frequently. Dad in his final years let my sibs contact him rather than calling them (for a multitude of reasons) primarily because "If I start calling them, I'll never get a call. They'll leave all the calling to me" And he was correct in thinking that way.
Dependent upon whether you want to have much contact with the daughters perhaps you should hold back on sending many pics for a bit and make them come to you. It certainly will give you an indication of how much interest there is in their dad (given that you send pics every couple of weeks I'm making the assumption they don't visit very frequently.)
Good luck to you and rest assured you did the right thing. As I often tell people, putting my parents into LTC was about getting them to safety.
It really is that simple. I promise you that none of his children are going to jump up and say no wait a minute, I will take dad in and care for him...
Thank you for this response.
You are a living saint.
Make your decision, then see a lawyer to advice about separating finances, legal separation versus divorce, giving up POA if you are guardian or POA.
Is your husband capable of being aware of how he has changed? Have you and he discussed this? In a mentally functional person I would think there would be a discussion. If there has not been, then your first requirement is to let him know the truth. That you have really got limitations you were not aware of when you married and before things changed so suddenly, so quickly. That you will be separating (start there) and that his family and he will have to make the decisions about where he will live and who will care for him.
I think only you can make this decision, and I think you SHOULD make it. If you are his POA then draw his family together and tell them the simple truth. Do not expect they will not be enraged. They will be. You will have to have the strength to move past that. They should take on being his POA and his guardian. They can decide about home care versus in facility care for the remainder of his life.
I can only tell you that THIS is what I would do, myself. I cannot tell you what you should do. Expect the world to condemn you, because of course they will. That's to be expected. Then get on with all the move and separation; that will be quite enough for you to handle. I wish you the best. I am so sorry. I hope you will update us.
My advice to you is get your husband in a long term care facility. It's not an easy decision, but you're fighting for your health and sanity.
I hope this helps.
It sounds like he needs to be in a Nursing Home ASAP. Do it for him and yourself!
The best gift of love is to let go.
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