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I'm sorry you are going through this but masking and pacifying is not going to work.
If you are unable to care for a senior to the extent that you cannot get him or her to bath or to allow bathing then it is time to consider placement.
Is your shower/tub easily accessible? If a tub, there are bars that go over the side. There are handle type bars you can buy that have suction to fit on the wall. A shower chair is good. Handheld shower head a plus. Water warm not hot. The bathroom warm. I used a portable heater to get Moms warmed up.
If you do the washing, suds up real good using a bath spong or puff and then use the shower head to rinse. For private areas, I just had Mom stand up, facing the wall and holding onto the rail, placing her legs apart, I usedva washcloth with soap to clean the rectum area and then used the shower head to rinse the area and the vigina area, I never used soap there. I had a handtowel on the toilet seat and had her sit down there so I could dry her off. I dressed her in the bathroom where it was warm.
In ALs and nursing homes, residents are bathed 2x a week. There are wipes that can be used for in between. Mom has a BO problem so between baths I would wash her underarms and put on deoderant.
Maybe you can see if there is an aide willing to bath ur LO. Sometimes they are willing to let someone else help.
No unbathed spouse-in-the-house.
No playing games about hygiene. Its either be showered (or at least washed up) and clea clothes daily or it's placement in a care facility.
You know, when a person gets to the point where they are refusing to be clean that's usually when it's time for nursing home/memory care placement.
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