By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I was told that I had no value unless I was doing something for others. If I ever put myself first I never heard the end of it. Now that I am divorced and the Mistress of my own destiny, and 5 years of therapy, I ask anyone who comments, how it could possibly be any of their business how I spend my time or money.
I still tend to over commit myself, but it for organizations I choose and whose values match mine.
Dont let his refusal to be cleaned stop you from getting help. That may be what makes him decide to at least try to stay clean. Nothing like a stranger seeing your poopy bottom to shift attitudes.
I think that you need to tell him that you get help in or he has to go to a facility for care, things staying the same are not one of the options.
I get that his life must feel over, but he isn't even trying and he is taking you down with him. Time to make some tough decisions.
Having help for 3 hours a week is "nice" but sounds like a spit in the bucket compared to what your husband needs. I would look for more help ASAP. Or do as suggested above - tell him you need more help or he needs to do more or he needs to move into a facility. Something has to give here.
You mention a lot of things DH 'refuses' to do. How 'bout you have a little chat with him about the New House Rules that will be enforced (like wearing Depends 24/7 and getting help to clean up after a BM) or you'll have to look into long term care placement for him. He is not the only person living in the house that has rights; you do too. In fact, you have MORE rights because you're doing the dirty work of washing/cleaning/caring for him in addition to working an outside job. Hello? It's time for DH to man up and do his part now! If he's 'non compliant' with his diabetic diet, I'd remove ALL sugary and high carb foods from the house. Lock them up in a separate cabinet if necessary, but keep them out of his sight and his reach. Exacerbating diabetes will only cause YOU more work, headache and heartache in the long run. Again, we're hearing all about what DH will not do, and it's time to help him figure out what he WILL do to help his wonderful wife out!
Wishing you the best of luck in dealing with this difficult situation and with getting DH to see YOUR side of things. Taking care of him is no easy feat!
Please don’t resist the idea of getting outside help. Most professional caregivers are adept at dealing with the idiosyncrasies of each client/household. To be certain, I would make it known to any potential hires so that there are no surprises. I’ve seen a number of cases where a loved one would let an outsider help when they completely resisted the family. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!
I'm concerned about your initial question..."what right do I have..."?????
Is someone telling you that you have no right to be stressed or is that some antique ancestor who walked barefoot to school uphill in the snow both ways in your head?
You have EVERY right to be stressed!
Please hang out with us. You are valued here!
b
Meanwhile, he has an alert pendant as well as a DNR, which is why he's willing to be alone. Psychically he's ready to die, but his body's not there yet. And yes, he could have another stroke alone, but it could happen when we're asleep too. He's about to be 82 and feels like he's had enough. But of course he could go on for years, too.
Tacy, you've pretty much nailed my location. If you'd message me privately, I'd appreciate the name of the elder care attorney you referred to.
As to three hours being pretty skimpy, it's taken a couple months on a waiting list to get to this point. This county has a lot of elders -- retirees from downstate as well as locals -- and not so many people who want to work as carers (understandably).
If I keep posting, you'll see how long-winded I am. So I'll shut up now.
What would happen if he has more strokes alone? Also, just because someone with dementia doesn't generally like to leave the house, doesn't mean that they may not suddenly do it without warning. If it's past the early stage, people with dementia need constant supervision. I recall that a friend of mine's mother had dementia some years ago and he was not prepared for what he found upon his return from an overnight trip. She had smeared feces all over the entire kitchen, bedroom, bath and hallway....floors, furniture, etc. She had no idea how it got there! He had to hire a professional cleaning company to clean the house. Soon afterwards, he was able to get her into memory care.
I appreciate all your kindness and your advice. This forum is, for me at least, remarkably restorative. I would hug you all if I could.